


Grades are nice but you are nicer

by Winchester_12



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bisexual Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Connor (Detroit: Become Human) Is a Good Bro, Daniel & Simon (Detroit: Become Human) are Twins, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Gay Simon (Detroit: Become Human), Halloween, Idiots in Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Markus says things he shouldnt, Multi, Mutual Pining, North is overprotective, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Sharing Body Heat, Sharing a Bed, Simon (Detroit: Become Human) is a Mess, Simon Needs a Hug (Detroit: Become Human), Simon and Daniel don't have the nicest parents, Simon is disaster gay mess, Simon is just a cold babey, Slow burn i guess?, Suicide Attempt, confused feelings, dont worry its not simon, minor character suicide attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:55:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 37,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27334549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchester_12/pseuds/Winchester_12
Summary: Markus is a popular, sporty student at Detroit's University. He doesn't care that much about his grades, he would rather spent whole days at his dorm, or gym, than in small classroom full of people that like him just because they know who his dad is.Too bad for him, his friend Josh is determined to get him through his final year, even if it was the last thing he will ever do.Simon is a quiet, smart student, that would rather be home than in the class, he wouldn't even be there, if his parents didn't chose it for him. Only thing that kept him there through years, beside his parents wanting a kid with a degree, was North. Energetic, sometimes rude, and a little overprotective brunette, that was only one who seemed to care about him.Too bad for him, she's determined to make his final year fun, which consists of him finally getting out of his bubble and starting to meet new people.
Relationships: Connor/Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Daniel & Simon (Detroit: Become Human), Josh & Markus & North & Simon (Detroit: Become Human), Josh & Markus (Detroit: Become Human), Markus/Simon (Detroit: Become Human), North & Simon (Detroit: Become Human)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 23





	1. My patience isn't inexhaustible!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! Winchester here. I finally got some balls to write something on my own, because I just k n o w that there is just SO LITTLE of Simarkus. I hope you will like it! I'm planning to finish within this year, but I really don't know how regular the updates will be! That's it for now, thank you for clicking on this!

Markus found himself sitting in an empty classroom. Well, almost empty. He looked up from his paper to Josh, his best friend (he knew him for a little too long for his liking) who may be the reason why he is still in this classroom. And he still doesn't know if he should thank him, or curse him out of existence. 

He almost stupidly watched as Josh tried to explain how to do the homework, that they were supposed to do together. However, he was absolutely clueless about what he was saying. 

Josh had to sense it because he stopped in his speech and just looked at his friend with a defeated sigh.

"Did you even listened to a word I said?" Josh snapped his fingers a few times in front of his friends’ face. 

Markus just looked at him, a light smile drifted across his face before he shook his head.

"Josh, we both know the answer." After a brief pause, he slammed his forehead against the table. "I have no idea what you’re saying." 

Man, that was sitting in front of Markus, let out a long, frustrated sigh, putting down the textbook he was holding and standing up. 

"Markus, I've been trying to explain it to you for the past 30 minutes, and you tell me just _now_ , that you don't have any idea what I’m saying?" 

"Yes!" His heterochromatic eyes met with black eyes of his best friends with complete seriousness before both of the men started laughing. 

"Josh, I'm telling you; I have no idea what I am even supposed to do in this class!" 

"Pay attention! For example. My explanation skills and my patience aren't inexhaustible!" He laughed, rubbing his eyes. 

"Oh, come on, I know you love babbling all about things that make you seem smart!" Markus teased, picking up the paper and hiding it in his backpack. 

"Well, apart from _someone_ , I _am_ smart!" 

Markus laughed and stood up, patting Josh's shoulder. "We know, big guy. You say it every single day." 

"You're just jealous that I don't have to work my ass off, just to pass." Josh grinned at his friend, stretching and putting his backpack on.

"Well, if you say it like this, I will start to feel offended," said Markus, but he still had a big grin on his face, so it was clear, that he obviously wasn't offended at all. 

Josh just laughed, shaking his head. "I'll head home, my head is starting to buzz. Maybe if I'll be productive today, I could do your part of the homework too, because it seems that it will take less effort, than actually making you understand it."

"That sounds _delightful_. Thank you." Markus laughed and nodded.

Sometimes he wondered how far would he get, ‘till Josh just gave up trying to get his ass to a degree. But it seemed that the man's patience with him was infinite. Which he was actually grateful for because if it weren't for him, he would be out of this place years ago. 

It wasn't like he especially tried to fail this class. But who the _hell_ thought it was a good idea to put chemistry in teaching plans for Art studies? It made no sense!

But it was the only reason why his last year was kind of getting nightmarish. Sleepless nights, just trying to understand the thing that he won't even need next year (nor in his life). 

Well, almost the only reason. His punctuality with turning his works to actual classes that he cared about was the second. But it wasn't because he simply didn't care about the work. Nothing that he'd done, seemed good enough to turn in. To show to his teachers and mentors that he respected and looked up to. 

When he snapped out of his thoughts, Josh already left, leaving him in the classroom alone. Markus shook his head and laughed a bit. Maybe if he stopped zoning out like this in his chemistry class, he would actually pass it. He quickly left the class, heading to his dorm.

* * *

Markus walked into his room at the dormitory, closed the door, and locked it. He signed and put down his backpack. Or more accurately, he sent it flying across the room, landing it next to his bed. He let out another sigh, longer and louder, letting the air escape his lungs.

He was frustrated about his grades, that weren't getting any better, even though he and Josh spent sometimes _hours_ getting through their teaching materials. He knew that Josh slowly started to get frustrated. He felt how he started to get impatient with him and how he just started to do the works for him, instead of trying to explain it to him, over and over.

And Markus got that. He wasn't even mad at Josh for slowly losing hope with him, because he would've done the same, except it would be years ago. Josh just had more patience than him, but he knew that Josh won't be able to get through his bullshit anymore. 

Markus walked to his bed, before resignedly falling on it, mattress softening his impact. He felt.. _lost._ And angry. He felt angry at himself because he wasn't able to get through this on his own. He knew that he was just putting additional weight on his poor friend's shoulders and he felt horrible for that. 

He slowly turned on his back, staring at his ceiling for a few minutes, thinking about what Josh said to him. _'My patience isn't inexhaustible!'_ Markus sighed, putting his arm across his eyes, closing them. He was so fucking grateful for him. 

He was the only _true_ friend that he had. Of course, he had a very wide social circle, because of his father's famousness. He knew that if his father was a local baker, they wouldn't care about him. Certainly not for Markus' art. _It wasn't good enough for himself, how could it be good enough for anyone else?_

But his father just _had_ to be Carl Manfred. Painter, that was worldwide known for his art and respected. Don't get him wrong, he loved his dad with his whole heart and would do anything for him. He was just sick from the people that tried to get to his dad through him. 

And he was so looking to get through this year and finally get back to him. He was feeling homesick again. It broke his heart when he had to move to the dormitory and wasn't able to take care of his dad anymore. But Carl was so persistent in wanting Markus to get an education in the field that his son loved. 

Markus was looking to the holidays again, not only because of relief from his constant stress from school, but the holidays meant that he would see him again. That he would be able to give him the biggest hug that Carl ever got. 

Maybe he was lying, when he said, that Josh was the only thing that was keeping him at the University. His desire to make Carl proud of him was the second reason and the main one. But of course, he wouldn't tell that to anyone. 

Suddenly, Markus was disturbed from his thoughts that led him home with his phone ringing. He slowly got up and searched his backpack for the source of a headache-inducing traitor. 

He looked at the name of the caller, _Connor_. Markus rolled his eyes in frustration. He knew what was about to happen and he wasn't in the mood for it. Despite his reaction, he still swiped on the phone and put it next to his ear. 

"Yeah?" He asked simply.

"Hi, Markus." Through the phone, the voice of his friend sounded almost mechanical. "I'm heading to the gym, do you want to join me?" Connor asked politely. 

Markus hesitated for a second, he really didn't want to go, he was still sore from yesterday, but he needed some reason to not get into the chemistry today, his brain was drained. 

"You know what, sure." He chuckled softly and nodded, even though he knew that Connor couldn't see it. "When will you be here? I'll get ready." 

Markus heard that Connor laughed at the other side of the line. "I knew that you won't say no. Open the door." With that, he just simply hung up. 

Markus lowered the phone and looked at it with very visible confusion. _...What?_ Then he simply stood up and went right to his door, opening them. 

Behind them was standing a brown-haired man, dressed in tank top and shorts, with a wide smile on his face.

"Surprise! I'm lucky that you didn't say no, otherwise I would be here unnecessarily." Said the man and Markus couldn't do anything else than just let out a loud snort, laughing. 

"Connor, you're unbelievable! Did you just called me when you were standing at my door?" Markus said as he shook his head, his voice was light and playful.

"In fact, yes." Connor looked at him with a dumb look on his face. "I thought it was obvious." 

"That was a rhetorical question, Connor you dummy." Markus chuckled, taking a step back, so Connor could enter. "I'm assuming that you would just make me come with you, either way, right?" 

Connor nodded. "Of course!" He laughed. "But I know that you just _can't_ say no, to free get away from studying." 

"Yeah, you're right." Markus grinned, pulling his shirt off him and searching his drawer for something more comfortable. 

Connor sat on his bed, leaning against the wall and looking at Markus' body. "Soon you'll be more buffed than me." He teased, chuckling. 

"We both know that's not gonna happen." Markus looked at him, crossing his arms on his chest and smiling. "First of all, I don't have time to be every day at the gym, and second, I just have to be in form, not be actually buffed like you." 

"Well, you can always do your chemistry, if you don't want to get disturbed from it." Connor laughed. "Because otherwise, you won't stop your fate." 

At the mention of chemistry, Markus faked a gag, pulling a tank top on and gesticulated to doors. "As soon as heard 'chemistry' I suddenly felt the urge to exercise, let's go!" 

Connor smirked and got up. "Let's satisfy your urge then." He walked through the door, only stopping to smack Markus' ass. 

"Connor Anderson, I swear to _God! Get_ out of here." Markus' cheeks were dark red with blood rushing through them. He swiftly closed the door, locking it behind him and pulling at the handle. 

"It's not my fault that you've got the cake!" Connor chuckled, looking at Markus, pushing him to the wall and trapping him with his arm, cornering him.

Markus smirked, looking at Connor with a mischievous grin. "You know that students are prohibited from being lovey-dovey at the dorms, let alone in the halls!" He said quietly, but with enough empathizing. 

"And you know, that I just don't care." Connor chuckled. "And we aren't lovey-dovey. We are just horny, Markus." He stated, leaning and kissing Markus on his soft lips

"Fuck off, Connor." Markus' husky voice was cut off by Connor's lips, he didn't mind.

Even how hesitantly and stern Markus sounded only 10 seconds ago, he melted into the kiss. He hated the mess that his _very_ good friend with benefits could make him, but now, just like him he just didn't care. He slowly put hands around Connor's neck, pulling him closer to him, fingers running through his hair. 

Connor's free hand got on Markus' waist, slipping under his t-shirt and caressing the soft skin. That made Markus pull himself closer to Connor, pressing his body against his, as the quiet sound of pleasure escaped his lips. 

Markus felt the soft tongue of his _very_ good friend rub against his lips, and he felt almost embarrassed at how quickly he opened his mouth as he let him in. Connor made an appreciating sound, smiling against his lips, slipping in, feeling Markus' mouth and absorbing his emotions and feelings, their tongues dancing in tandem of lust.

Heterochromatic eyes of the man pushed against the wall suddenly opened as he jumped, his muscles sterling. He quickly pushed Connor away, drawing in a shaky breath before he kneeled, starting to fiddling with his shoelaces. 

Connor was suddenly very confused before he saw the supervisor for this floor that passed them, walking to the elevator. His eyes met with Connors, and he waved at him, smiling as he was passing them. 

As soon as the doors from the elevator closed, Markus stood up. "That was close." He looked at the elevator and then at Connor. "

He sighed, brushing his hair with fingers. "I hate that man, he always ruins our moments." He pouted. 

Markus chuckled. "Maybe if you started kissing me in my room more often, instead of the hall, we wouldn't have so many moments ruined." He teased Connor, smirking at him. 

"That's takes the adrenaline out of it." He teased back. "And I like it dangerous." Said the man, winking at Markus.

"Connor, I swear to God." Markus felt how his cheeks got red again. "Let's just go, before the gym closes." He let out a soft chuckle before he headed to the elevator.


	2. Did you get beat, Si?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, Winchester here! Honestly, I can't even express how excited I've got from starting to write this fic! I'm so glad that you so far like it! I see myself updating every other day, but I won't set any schedule to myself, because I just k n o w that I wouldn't be able to fulfill it xd so let's just say I'll update as quick as I can! That's it for now! Enjoy the second chapter!

Simon slowly looked up from his notebook. He was sitting in the University library. He enjoyed the quietness and the smell of old books. Also, that no one bothered to disturb him there. 

He was sitting on a far end of the long wooden table that had lamps on it every few seats. Simon looked out from a big window that was close to his back, it was starting to get late by the shadows and the lamps that started the illuminate the outside world. He knew that he should be on his way home now, but he just couldn't bring himself to get up and leave. 

It was cozy in there; the room temperature was just right and the quiet talks of other students were creating perfect white noise that was putting his mind at ease. It was easy to forget that he was supposed to study for his philosophy exam, when the shifting of the seats, muffled talks, and quiet music were surrounding him. 

Simon looked at his mug that was sitting on the table. It was white with an ocean blue triangle at the center. He slowly grabbed it and took a sip of his tea. He was grateful for that old librarian lady, that he was practically friends with. She always made him tea or coffee, sometimes she even brought him homemade cookies. He felt like it was almost his grandma, even though he knew her only for the past 3 years. But she cared for him. She made sure that he had eaten every day, even though he sometimes forgot about it. She made sure that he was cozy, felt good, and cared for.

Simon was infinitely grateful for her because she made him feel like he mattered. He took another sip, before slowly putting the empty cup away; yawned and stretched out his arms, it was really getting late and he should get going. Simon closed his notebook and shoved it into his bag. He got up and took the cup, walking to the counter. 

"Thank you for the tea, Lucy." He smiled at the woman behind the counter. "I should get going before I miss my bus." 

Lucy nodded and smiled at him, taking the cup from his hand. "Okay. Take care, Simon." She patted his head, messing up his hair. "Be careful, the streets are dangerous this late." 

"I'll be fine, Lucy." He smiled at her, combing his hair with fingers, fixing them. "I can take care of myself." 

"I do not doubt it, I just want you to be safe." She smiled, giving him back his library ID. Simon took it from her hand, shoving it in his pocket. "Thank you." He smiled at her. "See you tomorrow." 

Lucy nodded and waved him goodbye. Simon did the same, before stepping out in the cold night air. 

* * *

As Simon slowly approached the bus stop, he noticed two figures standing there, and just from their posture and voices, he knew exactly who they were. Just perfect. That's exactly what he needed today. He slowed down his pace in stupid hope that they would just go away ‘till he got there. Too bad for him; they didn't. Simon closed his eyes. Shit. But he couldn't miss the last bus. Well, he could, but it would be very unpleasant for him; and he’s not talking about his parents being mad again. He quietly sighed, maybe if luck was on his side, they wouldn't notice him and just left him alone. 

Simon slowly approached the bus stop, stopping at the very opposite end of the two men. Trying to be as quiet as possible and trying not to draw their attention. His plan was successful. For a few moments. Before one of the men turned to him, chuckling, that same man turned his head back to his friend, said something remotely stupid (‘s not like Simon could hear him… but let’s just say even we don’t think it was anything smart or heart-warming) and pointed his finger back at him, the other man chuckled and looked at him too. _Shit. Shit, shit, shit._ Well, there was his plan of getting home unnoticed. 

"Well, look who wanted to sneak past us!" Said the man with a scar across his nose, that was visible even in the dim light of the street light. "Isn't that the fucking nerd." 

The other man looked at Simon too. "He thought that he could sneak past us like that and we wouldn’t notice his little bitch-ass?" He smirked, an evil laugh escaping his mouth. "I think we should teach him, that he should start going home early, what do you think, Gavin?" 

"That sounds like a delightful idea, Allen." 

Simon knew that it wasn't his first name, but nobody called him different.

"G-Gavin," Simon hated how his voice cracked. "Allen please, this isn't necessary." 

"Oh, he thinks that this isn't ‘ _necessary_ ’!" Gavin started laughing, he walked to Simon and punched him right in the face. He didn't even give him a chance to defend himself. "Well, it is necessary!" 

Simon fell on his hands and knees. He also felt how blood started escaping his nose, drops landing on the hard ground. Allen walked to him, landing his kick on Simon’s stomach. The blonde-haired man let out a quiet yelp, falling on his side. He felt like his insides were twisting inside him, how ironic. He looked up, just to see Gavin's fist before he was punched again. 

Simon didn't resist. After two years of this crap, he knew better. He knew that the less he was defending himself, the quicker they were done. He felt a few more kicks and punches hitting his body before it stopped. Gavin snorted.

"Look at this little dipshit, he can't even defend himself!" He bent down to Simon’s level. "Maybe you will finally stop getting in our way, won’t you?" He grabbed Simon's hair, pulling his head up to make the blonde look at him. 

Simon opened his eyes, they were glossy with tears, but he wouldn't let any of them out. He weakly nodded, hoping that this will be over soon. 

"Good." Said Allen, before laughing. "Come on Gavin, the bus is here." Gavin laughed, letting go of Simon's hair and standing up. Both of the men hopped inside the bus, leaving Simon alone at the bus station. 

As soon as Simon heard the bus taking off to the distance, he finally got up. It took him a little bit longer than usual because his bones were a little rattled and his insides shaken. Simon slowly wiped away the blood from his nose and lips, making the sleeve of his turtleneck dirty with the red liquid, but he didn't care now. He partly brushed off the dirt from his clothes, before whining. 

This was the last bus. And he just missed it because of them. He drew in a shaky breath. It was really cold outside and he knew if he tried to get to his home on foot, he would catch cold _extremely_ fast. 

Simon sighed, he slowly kneeled and started searching for his phone. When he finally found it, he unlocked it with shaky fingers and dialed a number. It beeped a few times before the person on the other side of the line answered the phone call.

"Hi... It's Simon. Could you give me a ride home? I missed my last bus." 

"Simon, that's like the third time this week, what are you doing that you are always so late?" The person said, almost scolding him, before sighing. 

"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bother you-" in Simon's voice was very hearable remorse. "Forget it, I'll go home by foot-." 

The person interrupted him, "No, I'm sorry, Simon. I'll be on my way, are you at the bus stop?" 

Simon almost wanted to hang up, but he squeezed the phone in his hand and nodded. "Yes, I am." He sounded hesitant; he didn't want to bother them. 

They had to sense it because they quickly responded. "Simon, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to snap at you, I'm just worried about you. I'll be there in five, okay?" 

"Okay." Simon almost whispered, then he heard the person hang up. 

He slowly walked to the bench at the bus stop and sat on it. 

* * *

It didn't take long for a red pickup truck to stop at the bus stop. Simon instinctively looked up from his phone and at the car, a light smile drifted across his face. He got up and walked to it, opening the doors to the passenger seat and getting in. 

His blue eyes met with brown eyes of a girl with strawberry blonde hair. She smiled at him, spreading her arms out to hug him. Simon had to smile, he shifted a bit on his seat, while he reached out to return the hug. 

"Hi, North." He said as he snuggled his nose inside the almost ginger hair of his friend. They were like this for a few moments, before Simon slowly let go of North and made himself comfortable on his seat. 

He felt how a sudden wave of cold passed him, sending shivers down his spine. North had to see it, because she immediately turned the heat on, sending a warm sensation through his body. 

"Have you been this late in the library again?" She laughed, stepping on the gas.

"Am I _that_ predictable?" Simon chuckled, leaning against the leather seat, closing his eyes. 

"Yep." North look at Simon and frowned. "Did you get beat, Si?" 

Simon opened his eyes, looking at North with an innocent smile. "...No." _Oh god, that sounded so fake. Shit_. 

North looked at him and lifted one of her eyebrows. "Simon?" She said firmly. 

" _...Yes._ " Simon averted his gaze from her to the darkness outside. "Gavin and Allen were at the bus station and I guess they didn't like that I wanted to go home too." 

North let out a sigh, leaning into her seat. One hand on the wheel, the other had her head leaning on it. "Simon... I told you that you can't let them have their way with you."

"I know, North." Simon sighed frustratedly. "But I just can’t... you know that." 

"Have you tried to speak to the principal about it? Maybe he could do something about it." 

"To Kamski? That's suicide. He would talk a hole through my head before I even could get to the point." Simon shook his head. He knew that Kamski had a good heart, but he was… different. Mischievous and mysterious. And incredibly smart. "Plus, you know that they just won't stop, when some dude tells them to." 

"Well, you never know until you try it." North shrugged. "Or I can have a word with them." 

"North, I know that you are very brave and strong, but I don't think that you would be able to take two buffed men down." 

"Simon. You have _no_ idea what I'm capable of." She winked at him, laughing. 

"So far the best strategy was just letting them do their thing and don't defend myself." Simon looked at his friend. 

"Maybe it's most effective, but that won't stop them from doing it again." She sighed, stopping in front of Simon's house. 

Simon looked at her, his eyes were glossy. North reached out with one hand, slowly caressing Simon's bruised cheek. "Please try to stay away from them, okay honey?" 

Simon closed his eyes, leaning into the soft touch. 

"If not for yourself, then for me. _Please_."

Simon slowly nodded. "Okay." His voice cracked. He cleared his throat, before speaking again. "Okay, I'll try." 

A victorious smile drifted across North's face. "That's what I like." She pinched Simon's cheek before letting go of him. "Get home and go get some sleep, it's getting late." 

Simon opened his eyes, nodding. He hugged her one last time before getting out of the car. North waved at him as the car started to drive away. He waved at her back, before turning and walking to the front door. 

* * *

Simon was sitting at the top of the stairs, listening to the voices downstairs. He heard mom and dad arguing again. He sighed. He needed to get to the first aid kit in the kitchen, but now there was no way around them. He sighed, closing his eyes and covering his face with the palms of his hands. 

_"Well, it's not my fault that keeps happening!"_

_"And whose fault is it then?! Mine?"_

_"Caroline, I DON'T know, okay? I will talk to him again, but you know that won't do anything!"_

Simon sighed again. He knew that they were like this again because of Daniel. Just from their words, he knew that he got in trouble again. He got up, walking to the door and the room of his twin. There were a few seconds of hesitation before he knocked on the door. 

For a moment, no one answered. He must be asleep. Simon wanted to go to his own room before the door in front of him opened. In front of him was standing almost perfect copy of himself, but with more stern and hard expression, cold eyes were piercing him with their sight. 

"May I come in?" Simon said simply. Daniel made a step backwards, letting him in his room. 

"Did they sent you to talk to me?" Daniel said, closing his doors and sitting on top of his desk. 

"No, I just got home." 

"This late? Library again?" 

"Yep." 

"Who did that to you?" Daniel pointed to Simon's bruised face. 

"Doesn't matter." He smiled at him, shrugging. "Don't try to get out of this, what did you do?" 

"Doesn't matter." Daniel looked at him, shaking his head. "All that matters is that it looks like that I'll be grounded for the rest of the year." 

Simon shook his head. "Won't you ever learn?" He sighed. "You break mom's heart with your behavior..." 

"I just can't help it, Simon, okay?!" Daniel snapped at him, immediately regretting his action when Simon flinched and made a step backwards. "I just can't stop myself from doing stupid things!" 

"Daniel..." Simon let out a frustrated sigh. "I just want you to be safe." 

"I know, Simon. I'll try better, okay?" 

Simon looked at him, shaking his head. He knew that he was saying it just because he wanted to hear it. "...Okay." He didn't have the nerve for it now, he needed to get out and calm himself down before he said something he might regret. 

Even though he wanted to say something more, he was cut off by the door opening and hitting his shoulder. It was dad. Simon looked at him, before lowering his gaze to the floor. He quickly left for his room.

* * *

Simon was laying in his bed, watching the dark ceiling above him, he couldn't sleep. Again. He sighed and shifted, so he was laying on his side. He was so done with the University. He wanted to get out as soon as possible, but that contained one more year of constant studying, doing homework, and last but not least, trying to not get beaten up.

He felt how his face was pulsating and how the tears started to form underneath his eyelids. His whole body trembled, as he suppressed a sob, hugging his pillow tightly and pushing it against his body. Oh god, he needed some friends. But who would even bother with him? Sure, there was North, but that's about it. Another quiet sob left his mouth and Simon felt how the hot tears were sliding down on one side of his face and wetting his bedsheets. 

He knew that he wasn't doing anything to get out of his social bubble. In class he was quiet, doing his job, not wanting too much attention. And in the library, he just minded his own business. But the fear of meeting new people, or more accurately, fear of getting _close_ to people, was almost crippling. 

He drew in a long shaky breath. His past was haunting him and he felt as if it was getting closer and closer every day, not allowing him to speak to people, get close to people. Leaving him in crippling fear of abandonment. 

Simon slowly started to fall asleep. The cold embrace of the darkness pulling him in. 

He didn't dream that night.


	3. I heard he's cute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi babeys! New chapter is here! I got today my rk800 jacket, so I'm super excited to cosplay Connor uwu. I wish you a peaceful reading uwu

Markus walked into the classroom, it was especially quiet and peaceful this morning. Golden waves of the sun were coming through the closed blinds and illuminated only a few spots of the room. Most of the students were still half asleep, leaning against their desks and recharging their battery, or trying to at least. Markus slowly walked across the room to his table, where he sat down and put his legs on it. He yawned; his bones were still lightly rattled from yesterday.

As soon as the sleepy class registered that he was in there, some of the students pushed their chairs to him and started talking. Markus closed his eyes and answered their questions only by nodding or shaking his head. He didn't want to spend more energy than he needed to. When his classmates finally understood that they weren't going to get anything intelligent out of him this morning, they went back to do their own business or back to ‘sleep’. 

Markus was glad that they did because he was especially tired this morning. He only opened his eyes as he heard something being put on his desk, and someone sitting in front of him. It was Josh, giving him coffee from the University coffee machine.

"You look like those ‘zombies’ from Walking Death, Markus." Josh laughed at him and stretched his arms. "How many hours did you even slept last night?"

"Oh, trust me, you don't even want to know." Markus yawned one more time, before reaching for the coffee and drinking it in almost one go.

"And I suppose that wasn't because you did the chemistry, right?" Josh said, his voice was playful and light-hearted.

"You already know the answer," Markus said comically. He scratched his neck, turtleneck revealing bruises and love bites underneath the collar.

Josh sighed when he saw it. "Were you with _him_ , again?"

Markus looked at his friend, shrugging. "Does it matter?"

"So, it was him." Josh sighed quietly. "You know that I told you to stay away from him."

"And you know that I don't care."

"Markus." Josh leaned to Markus and lowered his voice. "He's fucking like a half of the Uni alone!"

"And? I don't care, Josh!" Whispered Markus back defensively.

His friend sighed. "You need to find an actual boyfriend. Or a girlfriend."

"Josh... You know that I don't care about relationships and stuff."

Markus sighed, closing his eyes. It was much easier to just have occasional sex with Connor, to fulfill his needs than to be in a relationship. Too many feelings, too many moments where one could fuck up and ruin everything. Too much fear of losing the person that you had feelings for. Of course, Markus never told that to anyone.

Josh let out a frustrated sigh. "You know what, let's change the subject. I don't know how to help you with the chemistry, more than I already did. So, I got in touch with my friend who knows one super smart guy. Maybe he could help you." Josh shrugged.

"I suppose I don't have a choice, huh?" Markus shook his head, chuckling.

"You're right. You don't." Josh smirked at his friend.

Even though they wanted to chat a bit more, the teacher coming into the class interrupted them.

* * *

Simon was walking down the hall to the cafeteria. Hands in pockets, earphones in ears and lost in thoughts. Back at home were things tense again. The uncomfortable silence was filling the whole house, where everyone interacted with each other only when they needed to. He didn't know what was his father talking about with Daniel, but from how Daniel was quiet and reserved in the morning, it was clear that it wasn't a pleasant talk.

Maybe when he finally gets his degree, it will come back to normal. Maybe they are tense because his grades aren't good enough, maybe- Simon shook his head. He just wanted his parents to be happy. He wanted it like it was before. Before the car crash changed everything.

Simon stopped and looked around the cafeteria. There were few free tables on the far-right side of the room. He walked up to one of them and put his backpack on one of the seats, claiming it. Then he walked to the show-case with all kinds of sandwiches, baguettes, salads, and fruit. His gaze shifted across a few of the items before he grabbed one of the baguettes and apple juice in a bottle, then he walked back to his seat, putting his backpack on the floor and sitting at the place where it was before.

But before he could even open the wrapper that surrounded his lunch, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Simon instinctively jumped a bit, shifting himself on his seat, before he looked up to see who touched him. It was North, of course.

"Jesus, North, you scared me." Simon chuckled, taking in a long breath to calm his fastened heartbeat.

"I heard that if you are easily scared and jumpy, it's because you're hiding something." His friend teased him, before sitting down at the chair on the other side of the small table.

"That's bullshit." Simon laughed, opening the wrapper to the baguette and sinking his teeth into his lunch.

North snorted, shaking her head. "I've got a surprise for you."

The blonde looked at her confused, he raised one of his eyebrows. "What?"

North chuckled. "So, I want to make your last year fun. Which won't happen, if you sit all the time in the library or classroom, not speaking to anybody. So, let's pop your social bubble." She smirked at him.

He felt how cold sweat doused his back, sending shivers down his spine. "North... I don't think that's a good idea." Simon shook his head hesitantly.

"I wasn't giving you an option, Simon." The strawberry blonde winked at him and chuckled. "I won't let you back up this time. Everything is set, one of my friends reached out to me if I knew anyone smart enough to help one of his friends with."

Simon looked at her, sighing. "North..."

"I already gave him my word, so there is no way you won't meet new people."

"But-"

"No buts." North interrupted Simon's try to get out of it. "You can either help that guy with homework, or I'll start to bring you to parties with me." She smirked at him.

Simon let out a frustrated sigh, he really didn't want to meet new people, but it sounded better than the other option of North bringing him to parties.

"I heard he's cute." North teased, winking at Simon.

Simon immediately felt his cheeks getting red and how his insides turned inside him. He hid his face in his palms. "North, stop."

"I'll get you after your classes end, don't try to avoid it, it's happening either the easy way or the hard way."

"I-" Simon hesitated one more time, before surrounding. He knew that when North put her mind on to something, she wasn't going to abolish it. "Okay..."

North smiled victoriously, patting Simon's back. "I knew you would say yes." She winked at him, before standing and leaving him at the table alone.

_Oh god, what did he got himself into?_

* * *

As much as Simon wished to slow his meeting with the new person down, the clock mercilessly ticked forward. Before he could even register that his lecture was coming to its end, there he was, sitting in the empty classroom.

He felt waves of anxiety rushing through his whole body, as he waited for his friend, freezing him to his chair. He felt his leg start bouncing, just to cope with his intriguing thought that kept his brain in a fog. He felt shivers run down his spine.

_'I heard he's cute.'_

Simon sighed. Maybe if North didn't point it out, he would be calmer. There wasn't a high probability of it, but the note ripped any of his calmness from his hands.

Simon felt how his fingers were shaking, even though he tried to stop it by digging his nails deeper into the fabric of his jeans. He closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath, he felt how his insides twisted. The classroom doors opened.

* * *

Markus took his backpack and stood up to leave the classroom, only to be stopped by Josh's hand on his shoulder.

"Don't you try and get out of this." He laughed at him.

"Oh, I'll try." Markus shook his head playfully, trying to get past his friend in the hope he would just let him.

"Don't you even dare!" Josh snorted, holding Markus back, even though his friend was much stronger than him, he was practically dragging him behind. "Markus, stop!" Josh snorted one more time, hopelessly holding onto the door frame with one hand and his friend's arm with the other.

"Don't test me or I'll just throw you on my back like a bag of potatoes and take you home!" Markus started laughing and Josh let out a comically loud snort before he started laughing uncontrollably.

"That sounds-" Josh managed to say between gasping for air. "That sounds incredibly frightening." He felt how Markus stopped, in the middle of the doorframe.

"I am frightening." Markus chuckled and smirked at his friend. "But you know what, let's see who did you sighed to eternal damnation with helping me with chemistry."

Josh laughed, looking at Markus and going back into the class, sitting on his usual spot. "Honestly even I have no idea. I just have a lot of contacts around the school." He shrugged, watching Markus getting back to his desk and sitting down.

It didn't take long till almost ginger head appeared in the doors, glazing through the room and stopping at Josh. The girl smiled. "Hi, Josh." She quickly stepped into the classroom, going to their desks, and sitting on Josh. She looked at Markus and raised one of her eyebrows, "I'm North. And you are?"

Markus kind of looked like a deer in the headlights right now, because the energy that the girl radiated was almost overwhelming. He blinked a few times, before reaching his hand forward in a formal gesture. "I'm- I'm Markus."

North took his hand, squeezed it maybe a little bit too hard, and shook it. "Nice to meet you, Markus."

Markus had a confused look on his face. "You're the one who is supposed to help me with my chemistry?" He raised his eyebrows, so there was a slight wrinkle on his forehead.

North chuckled, shaking her head and finally letting go of Markus' hand. "No, I'm certainly not." She laughed and looked to the doors. "The one who is supposed to help you is chickening out in front of the classroom." She said a little louder, so the person behind the doors could hear her.

After a brief pause, the doors slowly opened, it took another few seconds until a man walked in. He had a black turtleneck underneath a blue shirt, the man slowly looked at Markus. His face was pale with tiny freckles covering his cheeks and nose, slight blush hiding them a bit. Eyes like an ocean in the summer with long fluffy eyelashes, gazing to the floor in nervousness. His hair was sandy blond, but the sun peeking through the blinds reflected gold strands in too.

Markus felt how his breath got stuck in his throat, he had to forcibly swallow just to get rid of the feeling of a lump in it. Their eyes met and Markus' heart skipped a beat, he felt how heat was rising in his cheeks. The blonde slowly walked to them, searching for a seat.

Markus cleaned his throat, standing up and reaching his hand to him. "I'm Markus."

The blonde looked at his hand and then at him, he slowly lifted his own hand, before taking Markus'. His grip was weak and the pale skin was cold. Markus felt a strange sensation pulsing through his body, while the grip lasted.

"Simon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here they areeeee, who is excited for their interactions??? Aaaaaa


	4. Nice to meet you, Simon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, sorry for not posting for so long, but the loss of Unus Annus got me hard (╯︵╰,) 
> 
> NSFW warning for the second half of chapter, because I needed to heal my heart a little uwu

"Simon." Said the blonde to Markus, averting his gaze to the floor, cursing at himself in his thoughts, because he felt how his hand trembled. 

  
"Nice to meet you, Simon." The man smiled at him, Simon's hand felt like a dead fish in his strong embrace. "I hope you have nerves of steel because this shit won't be easy." 

  
Markus' weak attempt to make it less awkward seemed to be ineffective for a minute, till Josh came in with his own words. 

  
"I can assure you, even I don't know what to do anymore." 

  
Simon just weakly nodded, looking at his hand that was still pressed in the palm of the other man. Markus quickly realized that he's still holding his hand and quickly let go of it. He let out a nervous laugh, before sitting back at his spot. Simon looked like a dear in the headlights. 

  
"I hope we didn't scare you off." Markus frowned, blonde looked at him and quickly shook his head, before pulling one of the chairs closer to his desk. 

  
"I just got lost in my thoughts a bit, that's all. Sorry." He quickly brushed it off, picking up a backpack and searching for his papers. "What do you need help with? I brought a little bit from everything, and I have my notes here too." Simon said while putting a stack of papers on Markus' desk, as well as a thick notepad filled with writing. 

  
Markus looked at Josh, he was trying to not burst out in laugher. Then he looked back at Simon. "Simon. I need help with _everything_." 

* * *

Their evening in the class went pretty smoothly. Markus was still lost, but now he at least paid more attention to his 'teacher'. North was as lost as Markus, but she didn't pay much attention to them. The redhead was sitting at a nearby chair, her legs crossed high up on the table, with a phone in her hand and earbuds in her ears. She was there just to be mental support for Simon and because she didn't want to leave him with new people alone. 

  
And Simon appreciated it. Even though it didn't seem like it, his anxiety was spiking high every time Markus looked at him. He felt how his bi-colored gaze sent shivers down his spine and how he felt his knees getting weak and wobbly. Lucky for him, he was sitting, so except for a light red flush across his cheeks, nothing was giving his current state of mind away. 

  
Josh was pretty much just a bystander, but he didn't care. At least he can copy some of Simon's notes because you never know. Halloween was slowly getting near, and with it more tests, that he was more unprepared for that he would admit. Lately, he was helping Markus so much, that he was forgetting about his own things. Josh was kinda glad for Simon, even though only the thought made him feel like a terrible friend, but he just couldn't help Markus anymore.

* * *

  
After a few more hours of Simon talking and Markus asking questions, all of them were pretty drained. Simon from constant talking, Markus because his brain was nearly fried, Josh because he was doing other homework, and North just because she hated chemistry. 

  
After they all got up and started to get dressed, Markus walked to Simon, putting his hand on his shoulder. For Markus it was only a simple gesture to show that he's friendly, for Simon it was serious invasion of his personal space. Goosebumps swallowed blonde's whole body and he felt how his body made instinctively two steps back to get out of Markus' reach. 

  
Simon immediately regretted it, even though he didn't it in a bad way, because Markus' hand immediately retracted, scratching the back of his neck and eyes pinned to the floor in silent apology.

  
"I- I just wanted to thank you for spending your time to help me with the stuff." Markus almost spitted it out, he felt an awfully big lump in his throat. "Even though I'm a complete stranger to you." He added quietly. 

  
Simon felt how his heart began pacing. He pressed his notepad closet to his chest in a try to calm it. He looked up from the floor to Markus' eyes. Simon felt how a slight smile found its way to his lips.

"No problem. I was happy to help." He tried to sound casual, but his voice betrayed him by fading in almost whisper by the end of the sentence. 

  
Markus looked up from the floor too, making their eyes meet. Baby blue with a heterochromatic mix of emerald green and ocean blue. Markus could physically feel how his heart skipped a beat and how thousands of butterflies took off in his stomach. He cleared his throat. 

  
The meeting of their eyes was too much for poor Simon, he knew that he won't be able to be in the classroom for much longer if this continued.

"North could you give me a ride home? I don't feel like taking a bus..." Blonde looked at his female friend and she nodded. 

  
"Of course, get in, loser." She chuckled, storming out of the classroom, Simon quickly followed her, being so grateful for her energetic temper and leaving Josh and Markus alone in the classroom.

  
Josh looked at Markus and after a brief moment of silence, he burst out laughing.

"Dude! Really??" 

  
Markus was utterly confused by his friend's reaction, he rose both of his eyebrows and stared at Josh. "... What?" 

  
"Oh please! You thought that I won't notice it? You're head to toe into him!" 

  
Markus felt how a sudden heatwave passed right through him. He also felt how he got red in the face. "What? I'm not into him!" 

  
Josh smirked, chuckling. "Of course, Casanova." 

  
"Josh! I'm not!" Markus let out frustratedly. 

  
His friend laughed. "Okay, okay. Just hope that we didn't scare him off." 

  
"I hope so too." 

* * *

  
The second Markus walked into his room, he closed the door and leaned his back against it. He felt.. weird. Markus closed his eyes, but all he could see was the ocean blue eyes of the blonde. Fuck. He knew that Josh was right, but Markus never would admit it. _Shit_. 

  
But the bright thing was that Simon actually managed to shove some pieces of information about chemistry in Markus' head. _As well as other thoughts_. Thoughts that sent shivers down his spine. Markus drew in a shaky breath. 

  
"Fucking hell, Josh," Markus said quietly before slowly opening his eyes and walking to his bed. He almost fell on it, sighing.

"What the hell did I get into..." He closed his heterochromatic eyes, but all he could see was those cute freckles, those baby blue eyes, and the slight smile. These images sent a wave of butterflies down Markus' stomach. _And a little bit more down_.

 _Shit_. 

  
If he wanted to actually be able to focus on his chemistry later, he really needed to take care of this first. 

  
He felt heat filling his abdomen and soon enough his pants were awfully tight. Markus felt his hands slipping down his body, sliding across his chest, abs, and quickly under the hem of his pants. He had to bite his lip, before sliding his dusky hand under the thin fabric of underwear, a pleasant feeling sliding through his whole body. 

  
Markus' imagination started to take off, sending more blood to his already hard dick, after all, he was just a horny young adult.

He imagined Simon's eyes looking at him, pale hands sliding to his dick and gripping it, making him feel so good. Markus' bit down on his lip harder, suppressing a moan, while he tightened his grip and starting stroking his length, already slick with precum.

  
More lewd imaginations started to fill up Markus' mind, surrounding his brain in a thick fog, not being able to think properly. The only things that he was able to think about were how good would Simon feel, how soft his lips could be, and how gorgeous would he look pinned against the wall. How beautiful the blonde could look ruined with sweat, hair messed up and wet, falling into his face. 

  
Feelings of lust, want, need, overwhelming feeling of wanting to mark Simon as his. Stain his pale white skin with deep purple bruises of love. Markus wanted to feel the heat of his body touching his, the friction that would send waves of pleasure through his body. Markus wanted to know what he was hiding under the turtleneck that Simon was wearing today. He wanted to rip it off him, he wanted to throw him on the bed and he wanted to explore the quiet man so bad. He wanted to know how loud he could make him whimper and beg. _He wanted-_

  
Markus let out a quiet long moan escape his mouth, immediately covering it with his other hand. His eyes were half-lidded and his cheeks were dark deep red. Markus felt one drop of sweat slide the side of his face. 

  
His dick twitched, aching for a release as all of the imaginations were sending him more and more into the pleasure. His back arched as Markus faster the pumping and tightened the grip. His black vision behind the closed eyelids burst into white, sending overwhelming feelings of sudden release and pleasure through his whole body. He finished all over his stomach and hand, mind going into blissful static, as his body recovered from the finish. 

  
He felt blood in his mouth, he must've bitten through his lip in all those attempts to hide his moans. His lungs were drawing in slow shaky breaths, the fastened heartbeat was slowing down, drops of sweat making his t-shirt stick to his chest. Markus opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling above him. Holy shit. Markus thickly swallowed, before reaching to his bedstand for napkins, cleaning himself, and throwing the napkins in the bin.

  
"Oh, Simon... This will be something." His voice was low, almost husky-like. 

  
He laid here for a few more minutes, just relaxing and recovering from his high. Too bad for him, this quiet peace was suddenly interrupted by the sharp sound of his phone ringing. Markus grunted, before sitting up and quickly searching his room for his backpack. It was by his door, so he got up, shoving his dick back in his pants and after a moment of searching in his backpack he picked the phonecall up. It was a number he didn't recognize.

  
"Yeah?" Markus cleared his throat, he was still a bit breathless. He hoped that it wasn't that obvious. 

  
"Hi, it's North. I'm the girl that was with Simon today." The person on the other end of the line said she didn't sound hostile, just a tad bit passive-aggressive. 

  
"Oh hi, North. How did you even get my number?" Surprise slowly took the place on Markus' face.

  
"I just have some contacts around the Uni and apart from that, you are quite popular around the campus. Or if I could put it right, a lot of people know that you're fucking with Connor, so I just asked him." 

  
Markus felt how his face turned deep red, this timing was almost perfect. "Why are you even calling? I suppose it's not because of my sexual partners." 

  
"You're right, it's not. I just want to share with you that I noticed your longing stares at Simon today."   
Markus felt his heart skip a beat when he heard his name. 

  
"So just a friendly reminder. Considering you're now sleeping with Connor, I recommend you to be careful about how you're acting about Simon, he was through too much shit already. Got it?"

  
"Got it." That was all that Markus was able to say now. 

  
"Good." North had to smirk. "If anything happens to him, you will be the first person that I'll go beat up." With that, she hung up. 

  
Markus stared at the phone. "What the _fuck_ , North." He let out, blinking and trying to process her words. He sighed, this will turn out ugly one day. 

  
But today he was too exhausted to think about it, so he did the only thing that he really didn't think that he would do. 

  
_He actually started doing his chemistry homework._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope next update wont take so long, I have some things planned for future ¯\\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯ be ready for emotional rollercoaster.


	5. Lucky cigarette.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Sorry for the lack of updates recently, but my school started again, so I had less time for writing TwT (I also read lots of Reed900 fanfictions, but that's a secret ;) )  
> I hope this super long chapter will makeup for it uwu 💙 take care, stay positive, test negative uwu

The next morning Markus was sore. And tired. Maybe more tired than sore, but his whole body hurt from being scrounged up over his chemistry books. But all of the pain was actually worth it because the prize for being awake for an unholy period of time was clean C+ on his test. This was the first time that something like that happened and Markus was utterly confused. He looked at Josh in front of him with both eyebrows raised, then he showed him his test. 

"Dude! I did it!" Markus had to high-five his friend. "Holy hell, how did I even manage it." 

Josh chuckled. "I almost feel ashamed. That guy managed to get more knowledge into you in one sitting than I did in 3 years." 

"Don't take it personally, softie," Markus smirked after carefully folding the paper and shoving it in his bag. 

"Yeah, maybe if I had pretty blue eyes and blond hair, you wouldn't be able to take your eyes off me." 

"Josh!" Snorted out Markus, hitting his friend's shoulder.

"I'm just stating the facts." He shrugged and stuck out his tongue. 

"I hate you so much." Stated the man before standing up. 

"You should thank me, now you aren't failing the class."

"No, you were just lazy to put up with my shit anymore. And that I know for a fact." Markus shook his head, light smile drifted across his face.

"Then you should thank him," Josh smirked when he saw Markus' face getting red. "You don't want to sound ungrateful, or do you?" He raised his eyebrows at his friend.

"No, of course not!" Markus let out frustratedly. "But I don't even know his last name or what year he's in!" Added after seeing Josh's amused smirk.

"Maybe you don't, but I, in fact, know where he has a lecture right now." His smirk has grown into a grin. "Wanna sneak in?" 

The shit-eating grin on Markus' face was more than a thousand words. 

Josh snorted out. "Okay, let's go." 

* * *

  
They quickly got through campus, according to Josh, Simon's class was in another building across the complex. The building was full of big lecture rooms with hundreds of seats in half circle, allowing students to see their teachers down on the 'stage' with big whiteboards and projectors. 

After they got in, there was another part of the quest; finding the right room. All of the classes were behind identical doors, only differenced by the room number. 

"His class is supposed to be in room 435." Josh glanced at the doors with 421 on them, then quickly looked around to see on which side of the hall they should go. 

Markus looked at him, before pointing at a big blackboard with numbers and directions. "I think I got it." He chuckled, before smirking at his friend. "Maybe you're smart, but sometimes you are dumb." 

Josh scoffed but laughed. "Okay, okay. Someone's got pensive because they got a good mark on their test, I get it." But quickly followed Markus on the right side of the hall. 

It didn't take them long before they found the desired number on the door. 

"I've never been in this building before." Mumbled Markus quietly, listening to the muffled sounds behind the door. 

"Yeah, because you don't have Philosophy, Theology, and talking stuff like that." Josh looked at his friend. "These classes are primarily used for teaching large amounts of students, where the majority you need to do is listen and think." He shrugged before taking the knob in his hand. "Art stuff that you have wouldn't be wise to teach there, because the most time you won't even see the teacher clearly, let alone painting."

"That sounds logical." Markus agreed before Josh quietly pushed the knob down and they both quietly and quickly squished in the room. 

No one even paid too much attention to them, when they quietly walked in, claiming two seats in the far upper back. The big room was practically saturated with students sitting and making notes, it had to be at least a hundred. Markus quickly glanced down to the podium and he could feel his heart skip a beat when he saw a familiar-looking blonde nervously clutch a bundle of papers in his hand. 

Too bad they didn't get in a little bit early, they certainly didn't catch his whole presentation/ anything that he did now. Simon nervously shifted his weight on his feet, before adjusting the little microphone clipped at the collar of his black turtleneck and resuming his [speech](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=luQSQuCHtcI).

"-Person who thinks all the time," Simon's voice was quiet even when amplified by the microphone, his voice had a slight tremble to it. "Has nothing to think about except thoughts." 

"Which class is this even?" Markus looked at his friend as he whispered the words. 

"Philosophy." Josh looked at him. "Jerry, one of my friends has this class with Simon every Thursday." 

Markus just nodded, before shifting his attention back to the blonde. 

"So," Simon started again with his speech, tugging at his papers. "He loses touch with the reality. And lives in a world of illusion." The blonde glanced over the class, feeling glances of his classmates stabbing through him. _Oh god, he really hated situations like this_. He cleared his throat before continuing.

"By thoughts, I mean specifically, chatter in the skull. Perpetual and compulsive repetition of words. Of reckoning and calculating."

Simon felt a shiver sliding down his spine. This theme of the paper hit closer to home than he would like. He closed his eyes and let the hand with papers relax next to his hip. 

"I'm not saying, that thinking is bad. Like everything else, it's useful in moderation." Simon felt his eyes water, so he clenched one fist and with a slight stutter he continued. "A good servant, but a bad master." 

_Come on, Simon. Just a few more lines and you're done._ He heard the voice of his brother. This was not helping. 

"And all so-called civilized peoples," the blonde could feel the lump in this throat. He opened his blue eyes, his gaze piercing through the dark green linoleum on the floor. "Have increasingly become crazy and self-destructive." 

He finally gained the courage to look up again. His heart wildly beat against his ribcage. "Because, through excessive thinking, they have lost the touch with reality." He let out a quiet trembling breath. 

Simon looked at his teacher and to his surprise, he got a pat on the back. Someone in the class started clapping. _Oh no_. In a short time, more and more students were starting to clap to appraise his words. _Please no_. Simon felt how hot blush started to swallow his face and how his chest started to feel too small for his lungs. He drew in a slow deep breath, before smiling awkwardly at the students. 

"Okay, Simon. I won't torture you with this anymore." Simon distinctively felt a hand on his back, it sent shivers down his spine. "Your paper was beautifully written and I think it would be crazy if you wouldn't get anything but A+." 

Simon shot a glance the way the voice was coming from. "Thank you, Mr. Kamski." 

The black-haired man just nodded, flicking up his wrist and looking at his watches. "Okay, I think that's enough for today." He said more louder looking up to his students. "Class dismissed!" 

With those simple two words the whole room just suddenly came to life. Sounds of students talking to each other and papers shifting filled the air in a matter of seconds. In a few more moments, the room was nearly empty, just with only a few last students left behind. 

Simon slowly walked the stairs up to the door, his eyes were practically glued to the floor. This class was really draining the life from him. At least he got the mark that he needed. His train of thoughts was suddenly interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. He felt himself flinch, before looking up. His eyes met with honey brown ones, protected by long black fluffy eyelashes. 

"N-North-! Jesus, you scared me." 

"Hi, Si." North chuckled. "Pretty heartbreaking speech, you had there." 

"North, you know that people who aren't studying at Uni can't be in classes!" Simon almost scolded his friend, shaking his head.

"And what are they gonna do? _Suspend me?_ " North chuckled, putting more force through her hand on Simon's shoulder, making him stop on the stairs. 

"I don't know." The blonde shrugged, looking at her a bit confused when she stopped him. "Why did you even come here?" 

North stepped in front of him. "Look, first something that I didn't come here for. Look at the left behind me." When Simon did what she wanted, she followed through. "They snuck here in like the middle of your presentation, I don't know why are they here, but I just wanted to give you a heads up, so you won't be too startled. Cuz it seems like they are here because of you."

Simon's eyes quickly flickered between North and two figures standing over them. They didn't seem to give him much attention. _For now_. He felt how his heart, which was finally getting calmer, started to pick up the pace again. He glued his eyes to North's, one of the few things that could calm his mind. 

"And-," Simon's voice broke, so he cleared his throat, before continuing. "And the reason why you are here?" 

"Well, since Halloween is like almost behind the door, the annual Halloween party will be taking a place, like every year." North winked at her friend. "So, I was thinking about-" 

Simon cut her off. "No, that doesn't seem like a good idea."

"Shh, you didn't even hear what I wanted to say, Si!"

The blonde sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Okay, go ahead." 

"So, I was thinking about finally popping your social bubble and bringing you with me!" 

"I think you know, that the answer is still no, North." He shook his head. This was out of the question, there was absolutely no way that he would go with her. _Too many people that he didn't know. Too many things that could happen. Too many-_

"Well, I think I've got some bad news for you, Simon, because that wasn't a question." 

"North, there is no way I'll go with you to the Halloween party. All that you do there is get drunk, possibly stoned, and then exchange some genital diseases between each other."

"That's the point, dummy!" North chuckled. "What is even the last time you got _laid_ , huh?" 

With those few words, Simon felt his face turn red with embarrassment. "N-North!" He covered his face with his hands to hide it.

"I mean it, Si." North poked her friend in the ribs with her elbow. "You seriously need to blow out some steam. Even if you just got there, had two shots with me, and then went home." Her tone changed to more serious, as she put her hand on his. The coldness of his fingers always surprised her, but she always hid his hand in her hands warming it up. 

Simon had to smile, before exhaling. 

" _Please, Si_?"

After a short moment of silence, Simon broke it. "I'll think about it, okay?"

A victorious smile appeared on North's lips. "Okay, I'll pick you up for it tomorrow... At five. How about it?"

"North, I said that I'll _think_ about it, not that I'll _go_ with you there."

"Oh, honey, you already sold your soul to the devil." 

"Why do I have a feeling that you're right?" 

North laughed. "No idea. Want me to take you home?" 

Simon gratefully nodded. "Yes, please. But first I need to get some stuff from my locker. I'll meet you in the parking lot?" That was maybe the part of the truth, but the majority of his statement was justified by his curiosity why Markus even could want to speak with him. 

"Deal." With that North turned around and quickly got out of the class, disappearing behind the doors. On her way up there, Simon saw how she threw not so friendly face Markus' and Josh's direction. 

Simon watched his friend as she disappeared, taking in a long breath to brace himself for the interaction with Markus. He slowly started to walk up the stairs again. 

Markus and Josh watched Simon as he slowly approached them. Markus cleared his throat before stepping in and smiling at Simon. 

"Hi, Simon." He stepped in front of Simon, stopping him. 

Simon looked up from the floor. "Hello, Markus." He desperately tried to sound casual, but he felt his heart beating fast against his rib cage. "I didn't know that you have this class, I've never seen you here." The blonde decided to conceal the fact that North warned him about them. 

"Well, I don't have this class, we snuck in here." Markus let out a quiet laugh, it was rather a sharp exhale. "I just wanted to thank you for yesterday, but I didn't have any way to contact you." 

That was true, Simon didn't even give him his last name or class he was in. The only link between them was North. 

  
"No problem." The blonde looked up, meeting his eyes with heterochromatic ones. He could practically feel how his heart skipped a beat. "Happy to help." 

Markus swallowed as he felt Josh's elbow hit his ribs. "Is there any way to repay you for spending the whole evening helping me?"

A light smile appeared on Simon's lips but disappeared almost instantly. "It's okay, you don't have to do anything to compensate for it. I wouldn't do much yesterday anyway." 

"Come on! There's gotta be something, Simon." Markus pushed again, making Simon sigh. He was really persistent. "You could go grab a beer with us on Saturday, maybe?" He proposed. 

"Markus, that's really not necessary." The blonde shook his head. "I don't even drink that much." 

A wave of relief went through Markus, at least Simon could legally drink. He just didn't _want_ to.

"You won't get out so easily. I want you to know that I'm grateful and I want to thank you. Come on." Markus pushed again, determined to get Simon out to drink with him. "It would be really rude if you turned m- us down." 

Simon looked at him, sighing. He felt like this wouldn't stop till Markus got his way. "Fine. I'll go drink with you." 

A victorious smile pushed its way through Markus' face. "I knew you would say that you will." He said happily. Patting Simon's shoulder and unknowingly overstepping Simons by miles.

_Too close. Too close. Too clo-_

"This isn't a debate club, boys." The cold firm voice of the teacher ringed through the now empty class. 

Simon looked around, he was so concentrated on Markus and his friend that he didn't notice that all of the students are now gone. 

"Of course, Mr. Kamski. We'll be on our way." Simon nodded, taking the opportunity to slip past Markus' grip and going to the door. 

  
The duo followed him, quickly going out of the door. Simon wanted to part their way, so he turned left, choosing a path that would get him to lockers faster. 

" _Simon, wait!_ " Markus' voice made him stop in his track. He slowly turned around. 

"I don't have any way to contact you." Said the man when the blonde faced him.

Simon wanted to just turn back and walk away, but he didn't. He squeezed the hem of his shirt between his fingers and let out a quiet shaky breath. He was glad that Markus didn't follow him.

Simon slowly took off his backpack, before putting it on the floor and searching in it. After a bit of fiddling, he got up and walked to Markus. He quickly showed a piece of paper in his hand, before turning around and leaving swiftly. 

That left Markus and Josh without words. Markus looked at his friend and then at the paper in his hand. 

_#501 743 923 - Simon Phillips_

Josh punched his friend's shoulder. "Dude! You just got his phone number! You lucky bastard."

Markus had a shit-eating grin on his face. "I'm fucking awesome!" 

* * *

  
Simon quickly got to his locker in pretty record time. _Did he really just give Markus his phone number?_ _Holy hell_. He was regretting it already, because he wasn't looking forward to Saturday.

It's not because he didn't want to drink with Markus. Sure, it was scary to meet new people, especially if they showed genuine interest in him. But when he drank, he started to do irrational decisions. Started to say things that he would never say sober. 

Simon fiddled with the lock on his locker for a bit, thinking. What should he wear? Should he wear the same things that he wore for classes? He didn't want to appear ungrateful for Markus' proposal. Or something more pretty? He didn't want to appear like he was trying too much- 

He shoved his textbooks into the locker, closing it. It was too early to think about those things, he will cross the bridge when he gets to it. 

* * *

  
When Simon arrived at the parking lot, North was already waiting there. She was leaning back against the car with the phone in her hand, probably texting someone. After she heard his footsteps, she looked up and smiled. 

"Took you long enough." 

Simon had to smile. "Yeah, got caught up with them a bit."

North shook her head and laughed, quickly getting in the car and Simon followed through. 

After they were safely on the road, Simon yawned. "You were pretty brave for sneaking in Kamski's class. That man is observant as hell." 

"Sometimes I sneak in other classes apart from yours just for the shits and giggles." 

"You're unbelievable." 

"More than that." North chuckled, resting one of her elbows on the door frame. She looked at her blonde friend. "So?" 

Simon turned his head on her, perplexed. "' _So_ ' what?"

"What did they want?"

"Markus wanted to thank me for yesterday." Simon shrugged.

"That took him so long? Come on, Si. I know that there's more."

"I'm surprised that you didn't eavesdrop on us." 

"It was tempting, but I changed my mind." North chucked. When Simon didn't start talking, she pushed again. "So? What were you doing?" 

"He invited me to have a drink with him and Josh on Saturday." 

"I assume you said no." 

Simon cleared his throat. "I said yes." 

This made North choke on her spit. "You said what?!" She choked out, gasping for air. 

"I said yes." Simon hid his face in his hands, feeling how blush made its way on his face. 

"Holy shit, Simon. You surprise me more and more!" 

"He was... Really persistent about it." Simon tried to justify his decision, face still hidden.

"Okay, but be careful, okay? You don't even know him."

"North, when is the last time I wasn't careful, hm?" 

"When you drink." 

"I'm probably not even gonna drink, North. I promise."

"So, I won't have to book my evening for Saturday, in case you will be too drunk to get home?" 

Simon let out a quiet laugh. "No, you won't."

The rest of the ride was uneventful. They both sat comfortably in silence, just enjoying each other's company. Simon closed his eyes as he slowly started to drift to the realm of dreams.

He didn't sleep well last night, because every time he closed his eyes, he saw Markus' face. It was slowly driving him insane. He felt himself longing for him. He wanted to feel his hands on his skin. He wanted to see his smile again. His two-colored eyes and light freckles on his cheeks. But he knew that was something that he could never have. There was no way that Markus felt the same as Simon did. 

Simon wanted to get close to him and that fact hurt deep inside him. His heart was telling him one thing and his mind the opposite. He knew that hopes will always end in tears. He felt how his insides clenched and how his breath stuttered.

_Oh God. What did I get into._

His thoughts were interrupted by a light touch on his shoulder. Simon opened his eyes and looked around. 

"We're home, sleeping beauty." North chuckled. 

"Oh- yes, thank you, North." Simon cleared his throat as he got out. 

"So? Tomorrow at five. Deal?" 

  
"I said I'll think about it."

"So, you will go out with a person you met twice in your life and not with me?" 

"You got me there." He scratched his neck and let out a soft chuckle. "Okay. Tomorrow at five." 

"Atta boy." North grinned, before driving off. 

Simon quickly crossed the short distance to his home and closed the doors behind him. But before he could even put his jacket on the hanger, he heard shouting from the kitchen.

"Daniel Jacob Phillips, if you ever say those words again-!"

"You're just pissed because it's true, mom! _None_ of this would be even happening if Emma was still here!" 

Even the hearing of that name made Simon's guts mangle and squeeze. He let out a stuttered breath, before slowly getting out of his shoes. 

"Don't you even dare to bring your sister into this!"

Simon heard the firm voice of his father appear. It sent shivers down his spine.

"You always act like it should be me, instead of her, right?! _You wish that it was me!_ " Simon heard the voice of his brother crack and fade. 

" _Daniel...-_ " 

"No, mom. I don't need to hear more of your lies." Daniel almost yelped out, before storming out of the kitchen, almost crashing into Simon. 

"Dan, - are you-" Simon wanted to comfort his twin but Daniel didn't even give him a chance to speak.

"Not now, Simon!" He quickly got around him, running up the stairs and getting in his room. 

Simon heard a loud slam of the doors. These fights were draining the life out of him. He slowly walked into the kitchen. Both of his parents were red in face from anger, so he decided to rather not say anything about what happened. It was pretty clear about what the fight was, but he would rather not address it. At least not now.

So, he just quickly got to the fridge, grabbed a little plate with food, showed it into the microwave, before quickly getting out of there.

The atmosphere in the whole house was hostile and tense. Simon quickly got into his room, closing and locking the doors behind him, before sitting on a chair and putting the warm food on the table. 

Simon felt how the warmness of the food was comforting him, but he wasn't surprised when his vision became blurry, and when a few drops of tears fell on the hardwood of the table. Simon felt... Pathetic. _Weak._ A crooked smile filled with pain found his way on his lips. 

"Fuck." Simon let out and tried to calm himself with a long breath. 

He wiped his face with the palms of his hand and blinked a few times, but the tears weren't retreating. The mention of his sister after so long still hurt him like a stab into the heart. 

" _I'm so sorry, Emma._ " 

* * *

  
The next day was uneventful for Simon, nothing much than just a few lectures, but he was half asleep through most of them. He was exhausted from the lack of sleep he had for the past few nights. As he walked through the crowded halls to the cafeteria, he bumped into someone's shoulder. 

"Apologies." Mumbled Simon before continuing his way.

At least trying to continue his way. The harsh and coarse voice of the person stopped him. 

"Watch it, dipshit!" 

Simon looked up from the floor to see a familiar brunet with the scar across his nose. 

"Didn't I fucking tell you that you should stay out of my way?" 

"G-Gavin, I'm sorry-!" Simon almost squeaked out. "It was an accident. I didn't mean to do that." He raised his hands defensively.

"Oh, an _accident_! Well, maybe this will be an accident too!" He growled as he raised his fist.

"Reed, that's enough!" The boys heard a sharp voice across the hall. The older man with grey hair and beard walked over to them. "I had just enough of your shit." 

"Oh, fuck off, will you?" Gavin didn't have any word filter, even with mentors. He raised his fist one more time, before hitting Simon. 

Or before trying to hit Simon. His fist was caught mid-air by his teacher by the wrist. In one fluid motion, he brought it down and pulled it with him.

"And I swear if Kamski will excuse your behavior one more time, I'm going to do something that will make me lose my license." He scoffed as he dragged Gavin in the direction of the principal's office. 

"That would be great, grandpa. At least I wouldn't have to deal with your senility." 

Simon just watched it from the distance, mildly disturbed by how Gavin could speak with the man like that. Or better, how Gavin was still studying, even with the fact that he spoke to the teachers like that. 

"T-Thank you, Mr. Anderson." He shouted to him before he got out of the hearing distance. The man just nodded, as he dragged Gavin out. 

Simon shook his head, continuing to the cafeteria. He quickly got something to eat and almost shoved it down his throat, just to have few extra minutes in the next class to calm himself down from the accident with Gavin. 

* * *

  
The rest of the day was boring and Simon was half asleep through almost all of it. The sound of his teachers talking in the big almost empty classes was always something that set his mind at peace. He finally was able to take off his mind from what he was doomed to do this evening.

Halloween party? _It sounded like a joke_. Just a cover-up name to not raise any suspicion across teachers at Uni. As he said before; it was probably just an excuse for students to get high, drunk, and fuck with each other. 

As he watched his professor scribble some diagrams on the whiteboard, he realized that he had no idea what he should wear. Sure, it was just a drinking party, but it was a costume party too.

He remembered the last year when North knocked on his door in the costume of a sexy nun and how he nearly broke her nose when he slammed the door on her before his parents could see her.   
Simon had to chuckle at the memory.

It was a short time after they became friends. Or at least after Simon has accepted that North wasn't going to hurt him or use him.

He remembered how hard she was laughing when the next day he told her that his parents would kill him if she knocked on their door like that one more time. He almost expected her the next day to appear at his front doors in garter stockings, ready to sign his death wish. But she never did.

Instead, she knocked on the door in a pretty decent looking outfit, saying that she is his friend from college. She brought snacks and apologized for startling Simon. It was the first time someone was this nice to him and it was the first time he opened so much to someone. 

They were chatting until late at night and it was the first time that someone swore to him, that they would never leave his side. It was also the first time he let someone see him this vulnerable, crying, and shaking.

That evening, an invisible bond was formed between him and North. He was the good side of her that kept her in line and she was protecting Simon from people who wanted to take advantage of him. And they never left each other's side ever since. 

Simon had to laugh when his parents tried to give him a pep talk about using protection when he was freshly 21 and North stayed over more and more. 

_"Mom, dad. I know that you want me to be safe, but first of all, I'm 21, I know all of the stuff already. Second of all, North is not my girlfriend and I'm not interested in her."_

The third and maybe most important reason was that he was gay. But of course, his parents giving him sex ed wasn't the best time for coming out.

And the right time didn't come up ever since. So, there he was. Closeted and traumatized with the only person that he let close to him was the person that his parents thought was his girlfriend. 

It sounded almost like a sitcom. Just everyday troubles of Simon Bryan Phillips. He had to chuckle, as he woke up from his daydreaming.

The lecture just ended, so he got up with the majority of students and left. He checked the time on his watches. _15:05_. Just enough time to get home and get ready. He put his backpack on his shoulder and walked to the bus stop. Maybe it won't be that bad after all. 

* * *

  
Simon looked at his watches again. _16:48_. He managed to quickly get home, eat, and do his homework before the time to get ready came. He also got an apology from Daniel for his behavior yesterday, which was kinda surprising. Daniel was never the kind of person that would apologize. He would rather bite and kick than to acknowledge his mistake. That certainly did brighten up Simon's afternoon, though. 

Simon was now sitting at his bed, looking at his closed closet, with his mind focused on one thing. What the hell he should wear. He knew that most people would wear something either humorous, he remembered how the last year on the morning after the party, he met one guy in 80' tracksuit, with a bandana and fake mustache still on his face; or sexy, the situation with North's nun was speaking for itself. 

But of course, Simon wasn't going with either of the possibilities. And he needed something to fit in his backpack because he was sure as hell he wasn't going already in costume. After a few minutes of fiddling with the zip on his bag, an idea finally hit his mind.

He looked at his watches _16:56_. Good enough, he doesn't have time to think about something else. So, he got up, and showed some clothes in his bag, before slowly going downstairs. He met his mother in the hallway.

"Hi, Mom." He smiled at her, even after all of that fighting, he still loved her. "I'm going out with North, I hope you don't mind."

She just shook her head, putting one hand on his shoulder. "Just be careful, okay, Si?" 

"Don't worry, of course I will. I don't know if I'll be home for the night, though." 

The woman just nodded. "Okay, but please just text me that you're okay before you'll go to sleep." 

"Mom, I'm 21, don't worry, okay?" He smiled at her lightheartedly, kissing her temple, before rushing out of the door. He didn't want to have a full-blown conversation with her, at least not now. 

North was already waiting outside, sitting in her car, and almost eagerly stared at the front doors. Simon quickly crossed the small distance between the car and house and got at the passenger seat.

North was already in the costume. Camo shorts that revealed maybe a little too much and crop top jacket of the same color. Only two buttons were done, the rest of them was open, revealing North's cleavage, which looked a bit bigger, than usual.

Not that Simon cared. 

"Really? Sexy soldier? You have no shame." Simon chuckled as the car took off. 

North put on her sunglasses, it was the type that pilots used. "Or maybe you just don't have a taste." 

Simon laughed. "Touché." 

They were silent for a while before North spoke up.

"So? What costume do you have?" 

"You'll find out at the party, I'm not spoiling anything." The blonde chuckled, hugging his backpack.

"Oh, mister Mysterious. I hope it will be worth the wait." She chuckled before taking a sharp turn. 

"Shit, North, do you want to kill us?!" Simon yelped when the car hit a bump. "I hope you will be not driving home drunk." 

"Maybe I'm _irresponsible_ , but I'm not _stupid_ , Simon." She grinned at him, leaning into the seat. "I'll find someplace to crash in and spend the night."

"Please don't catch anything." Simon pleaded, chuckling. 

"Okay, mom." She snorted out. 

* * *

  
When the car arrived at the Uni parking lot, it was already swarming with people in all kinds of costumes. Most of them were girls in clothing that covered way too little and guys with outfits that revealed defined muscles on their chests and stomachs. Simon would lie if he said he didn't eyeball them. Even though he didn't like new people, he could appreciate pretty bodies. 

"North, please remind me why did I agree to go with you?" 

"Because you said yes to date with a guy you met twice and I felt betrayed," North stated, smirking at her friend before stepping out. 

"It's not- it's not a date!" Simon squeaked as he got out of the car too, to follow her. 

"Yeah right." North stuck out her tongue at him and he flipped her off. 

Simon had no choice but to follow her inside one of the buildings, he certainly didn't want to lose her from his sight now. He quickly caught up with her and stayed close, his shoulder was touching hers. He felt like a kid that clung to their parent's hand like if it was matter of life or death. 

"So... What's it all about? I mean the party." He tried to start at least a small talk to calm his nerves and beating heart. 

North chucked. "Well... Teachers reserve one whole building for the party each year. Of course, the organizers have to keep it safe and supervise us at all times. But most of the times, orgs just drink with us." She shrugged as she walked into glass doors, people were already in, getting in line for their tickets in form of colorful bracelets. 

"Usually, it's also sponsored by students. Every class gives a bit, and then they get it back from ticket sales and stuff." They stopped at the end of quite a long line. 

Simon looked at her. "Shi- North, I don't have any money here, I can't pay for my ticket." He panicked, searching his pockets for some long-lost change. 

North just chuckled and shook her head. "Dummy, I'll cover it. It's a small price for getting you out." She smirked at him, catching his hands by wrists. 

Simon looked at her, his eyes flicking between her eyes and the line. "O-okay-" He decided to not protest about it. 

"Also!" She started talking again before Simon could have any complaints. "Shouldn't you change to your costume? I mean, if you want to play it off that you have a costume of a nerd, go ahead, but I don't think it would pass." 

Oh. Simon almost forgot about that. "Oh, right. Is there any bathroom I could use to change?" 

"I mean, you can strip right here at the spot and I think no one would mind, but there are some restrooms down the hall." She assured him with a smirk. "I'll hold the line, don't worry." 

"You're unbelievable." Simon shook his head before jogging to the restroom doors. 

As soon as he walked in, he nearly got crushed by a tall guy with brown hair, brown eyes, and a freckled face. 

"Oops-, sorry!" The guy babbled, he was already kinda drunk. He managed to catch Simon by the waist just before the blonde could end up on the floor. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" 

Simon let out a startled yelp as his hand tried to grab anything that would save him from fall. Now he found himself in the arms of the brunette with adorable eyes and freckles with hands around his waist, firm but gentle.

Simon was grabbing his shoulder and pushing himself to him. He stared into his eyes, shaken for a moment and Simon felt his breath hitch. He also felt how red is getting into the rip of his ears and cheeks. As he realized it, he quickly slipped from his grip, letting out an embarrassed laugh. 

"S-sorry-. Didn't mean to run into you. " Simon let out, scratching himself on the back of his neck. "Yeah, I'm okay." 

"Oh, thank God I didn't hurt you." The guy let out a relieved breath and smiled at him. "Well, nice meeting you." His smile grew into a grin and he winked at him, before leaving the room.

Simon felt how carmine his face got. Thank God the guy left. He was charming, but Simon felt awkward. He took a long breath, collecting his thoughts, before sliding into one of the empty stalls. 

After a few rushed movements and sounds of clothes rubbing together, Simon got out, adjusting his clothes on the spots he felt were tight. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. 

"This is a mistake." He mumbled to himself, while he fixed his hair. He gripped the edge of the sink, sighing hard."Okay, Simon. You got it." He encouraged himself as he closed his eyes.

Simon could hear the door open, but he didn't mind it. He was collecting his thoughts and trying to calm his breath. He heard someone enter one stall and then clinking of the belt.

_Okay. I got it._

Simon looked up and slapped his cheeks to wake his mind. They quickly tinted pink. He walked out of the doors, getting back to North in the line. It was almost her turn to get the tickets. He quietly stood close to her, getting back to the line. She eyes him, furrowing her brows when she saw his costume. Then hit his ribs with an elbow. 

"Is this big ' _fuck you_ ' to your family? Because I can see the connections." She chuckled, taming one wild strand of her hair. 

Simon had to let out a laugh. " _Maybe_."

He was wearing a black button-up shirt with sleeves rolled down, with black pants that were maybe too tight for his liking. The whole outfit depended on the white strap under the collar of the shirt. Costume of a priest. He could bet that this was the most modest and family-friendly costume on the whole campus. 

They got their colorful bracelets, both of them were bright pink. There were also black ones and yellow ones. Black was for organizers and yellow was for underage people. _Of course, they had to keep track of this_. Simon thought. He was at some parties before, of course. He maybe was scared of new people, but he wasn't antisocial.

The booze could always lower his anxiety about those things, but he never drank much. Simon sighed, deep in his thoughts as he followed North into the rooms. 

He was going to quite a lot of parties when he was in college. But that was different. He had Daniel there. Ralph. John. Here... was only North.

He trusted her with her life, but he didn't trust himself. Not again. Not after the sleepless nights of hookups and drinking. It was the time he realized he was spinning into a dangerous spiral and he needed to get out quick. He started Uni and started to actually think about his decisions. 

That's when he started to differ from Daniel.

Daniel dropped out in the first two weeks, starting to work at a local cafe, while Simon stayed at Uni. Then winter 2032 came. And that's when he stopped celebrating Christmas. 

He felt how North pushed her elbow into his ribs. He winced and looked up to her. She was waving her hand before his face. 

"Hello? Earth to Simon, do you hear me?"

Simon cleared his throat. "Yea-, sorry, I got a bit lost in thoughts." He chuckled nervously as he scratched the back of his neck. 

"Yeah, I figured it out, since I've been talking to you for the past 2 minutes and just now realized that you didn't process a word I said."

Simon shivered. "Sorry, - didn't mean to do that. Really." He let out frustratedly, his breath hitching in his throat.

North smiled warmly. "Don't worry about it, okay? Let's have fun." She thought for a bit. "Wanna take first celebration shot with me?" She winked at him, smirking. 

Simon didn't even think about it before nodding. "Yes, please." 

A victorious smile appeared on North's face as she grabbed his arm and practically dragged him into the next room. She took two full shots from the table and handed one to Simon. It was blue with a slightly fruity scent. He raised his eyebrow and looked at her.

"It's called Blue Blood and it tastes like heaven. Careful though, it's strong." She warned her friend as she brought the shot in the air for toast. 

"To finally getting you out." She mocked, before laughing. 

Simon had no choice but to laugh with her. His nerves were finally getting better even without alcohol.

"Yeah, to that." Their shot glasses clicked before they both drank the liquid. It was sweet but had a strong kick. 

Simon had to clear his throat, but clicked his tongue and smirked. "Well, I think I found my new favorite drink." 

North chuckled at him. "It stains tongue, so be careful." She shook her head. "Wanna go for another round?" She smirked, bumping his shoulder with hers. 

From the room next door muffled music started to play, Simon closed his eyes and sighed, before chuckling. "You know what, yeah. Get me wasted." 

"Be careful what you wish for, tiger." North winked at him with a devious smile as she turned to the crowd for the next round of drinks. 

* * *

  
The evening was going pretty well. The outside quickly got dark, shadows swallowing all of the light. And gradually the building got more crowded and louder. People were getting more drunk, going from room to room.

Simon felt how his cheeks were now constantly pink from the amount of alcohol in his blood. He wasn't drunk, but he certainly was tipsy. Which was still far more than he planned. 

North bumped her shoulder into Simon's while eyeing the blue-haired girl across the room.

"Forgive me, daddy, I'm about to sin." She smirked, as she bit her lip.

"North, that's not how's- " Simon had to laugh, looking in the direction that North secretly gestured. 

North almost rammed her drink into his hand and before he even had a chance to talk some sense to her, as she walked over to the girl, smiling at her. 

"Hi, cutie." She winked and Simon had to cringe, he never understood how she was doing it. He watched them for a moment, zoning out but still paying some kind of attention to see the blue-haired girl leave with North shortly.

Simon looked down at the drinks in his hands. One full, his, and one half-empty, North's. It didn't look like he was coming back any time soon. Simon shrugged to himself, before gulping down her drink. He put the glass down, swallowing one more time to get the remains of the liquid down.

He looked around himself, maybe he should start to find something to do, considering North being gone for the next hour maybe. 

He looked at his watches _18:32_. Holy hell, already? He shook his head before slowly proceeding through the rooms. He had one hand pressed on the top of the glass, he knew better than to leave it unattended. Until now, he didn't have to worry about it, North was something like a shield that hid him from any evil, but now on his own, he was rather careful. 

He walked into one room that was particularly quieter than the rest of the building. And darker. His eyes glided across the room, before seeing a big tv with some film running on it. Simon slightly smiled, he liked this room. He slowly walked to one of the couches, sitting beside, but not too close, one kind looking girl. She looked at him and smiled before she returned her attention to the film. 

Simon sat there for the whole rest of the movie, not even paying much attention to the plot, but just recharging his battery and kinda getting the alcohol out of his body. He was even dozing off a little bit, with his eyes half-closed, relaxing. But the peaceful moments were torn out of his hands at the moment he saw someone enter the door. 

Even with the darkness that was filling the room, he could recognize that shit-eating smug and scar across the nose everywhere. Simon felt how a wave of heat ran through his body and how his fight or flight response kicked in. His heartbeat quickened and he felt how blood flowed through his veins. He gripped the hem of his shirt between the fingers. 

It seemed that Gavin didn't saw him and Simon needed to use that advantage. He quietly excused himself and got up. Then he quietly left the room, sneaking past the man and finding that he was on a balcony, effectively trapped.

_Oh no._

Simon looked inside through the glass doors, panicking. Gavin already took a seat, Allen sitting next to him and putting one hand on his inner thigh. That made Simon's stomach turn upside down and sent shivers down his spine. He didn't need to see that. 

Simon sighed. The balcony was quite big, with a wooden table and two chairs in the middle of it. He felt another shiver down his spine when the cold evening wind messed up his hair and almost soaked into his skin. Simon shook his head. There was no way that he could sneak back inside without raising Gavin's or Allen's attention. 

He let out a long breath before sitting on the top of the table and searching his pockets. After a few seconds, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. Simon turned the pack in his hand a few times, feeling how light it was. Maybe he was out, he thought, after all, he didn't use these pants for a while. He could easily forget the empty pack there. He opened it to see that only one cigarette was left, it was upside down so instead of filter he saw the tobacco in white paper. 

_Lucky cigarette_.

Had to chuckle, his current situation was anything but lucky. With Gavin on his back and practically trapped 3-floor mid-air.

Simon's whole body shivered as another wave of cold hit him. He put the cigarette between his lips and hid the lighter from the wind so the flame wouldn't put out, before lighting the deadly stick and dragging a slow breath out of it. 

It was a lucky cigarette and the habits are hard to break, so he closed his eyes as he let the smoke escape his lungs. Sure, that wish was stupid, but he didn't care about that. The hopes die last, so why don't try. 

Just as he opened his eyes, the balcony door opened, making Simon almost jump from his spot on the table, being almost content with a possible beating from Gavin. 

But as his blue eyes met those two heterochromatic windows to the oceans and meadows, he was sure, that the last cigarettes are always lucky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the cliffhanger but it was getting really long and I didn't wanted to wait any further TwT I'm getting right into writing next chapter, so don't worry about waiting for long  
> Take care uwu 💙


	6. I'm cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! long time no see! Sorry for lack of updates, but i got you some 11 k words chapter as an apology twt. please be patient with me <3 Also i ordered rk900 suit, im so excided

As Markus walked through the glass door of the building, he curiously watched people passing him in various costumes. Dollar store Thor, sexy policeman, Playboy girl... And a raccoon? This party gets weirder and weirder every year, Markus shook his head. He looked into one of the mirrors to check on his costume. Or at least his lazy attempt for a costume. A white button-up with few buttons undone revealing his chest and shirt with red S that was underneath.

He mentally shrugged to himself, he wasn't even planning to go for this year, but Connor invited him, so why not. His grades were getting better so he might as well treat himself. He could already see the line for the tickets, and couldn't do anything but sigh. The waiting in the line seemed to take more time than the party alone.

Markus searched his pockets, finding his phone as well as some Mint gums. He unlocked his phone and popped one gum into his mouth absentmindedly.

** Con B) **

17:15

_Are you coming? I'm waiting for you at the entrance._

**✓✓**

** Con B) **

17:32

_I'll get inside, I'm starting to freeze to death, M. Meet me at the bar?_

**✓✓**

Markus closed his eyes and sighed, he didn't have the signal to even see Connors messages and now he felt bad that he didn't call him about being late, letting him stand outside waiting.

** Markus **

17:43

 _I'm here, just waiting for the tickets. The line is like four miles_.

**✓**

Markus quickly typed out the answer before realizing that the line moved a little bit, so he did a few steps before looking at his phone again.

** Markus **

17:44

_Please buy me a Jericho before I get there. I could use a drink ;)_

**✓**

Markus shoved the phone in his pocket and looked around the hall. Josh told him he was coming too but didn't say a word to him if he was already there, or planned to appear later. The line started to move rather quickly and after a few moments, Markus had his bracelet. He looked at his phone again.

** Con B) **

17:50

_Jericho as the first drink? Daring today, aren't we? ;)_

**✓✓**

Markus had to chuckle, shaking his head.

**Markus**

17:50

_Gotta treat myself y'know~_

**✓**

Markus already walked through the rooms, after those years he had the place almost memorized. He quickly slipped past a pair of guys that seemed to tear each other's throats out by any second. He grit his teeth as he strolled into the room that the improvised bar was in. He quickly spotted his friend already sipping on his drink. Markus chuckled and sat at the barstool, winking at the man.

  
"You come here often, pretty face?" He joked, putting his elbow on the counter.

  
Connor chuckled. "No, but I'll start to if you'll be here every time." He winked, sliding the drink on the polished wood over to Markus.

  
Markus just shook his head, kissing Connor on his temple. "I don't know what's worse. My pick-up lines or the fact that you are actually going with them." He took a tiny sip from the tall glass filled with red liquid that faded into yellow. "Thanks for the drink, babe." He smiled at Connor and the smile that Connor gave him back could melt icebergs.

  
He finally could see Connor's costume, he was wearing a navy-blue police uniform, that was maybe a bit too tight. Not that Markus complained about it, Connor looked like a real eye-candy like this.

  
"Would you handcuff me, if I started to act naughty, Mr. Policeman?" Smirked Markus and bumped Connor's shoulder, chuckling when he saw how pink his friend got.

  
"Oh, you have _no_ idea." That was all that he managed to get out of himself before chugging the rest of his drink.

  
"Planning to get wasted today?" Markus laughed, taking another sip, Jericho was quite strong, so he didn't want to get drunk in the first hour of being here.

  
"Maybe just a little bit." Connor chuckled, shaking his head. "I have exams on Monday, so I can't sleep through the whole Saturday."

  
"Oww." Markus faked a sob. "And I thought you will spend it wholly in my bed!"

  
The brunette laughed and looked at Markus. "Maybe if I have a good reason, then I will." He stated, kissing Markus' cheek.

  
The man felt himself blush, looking down at the counter and fiddling with the little umbrella in his drink. He didn't know what his relationship with Connor was now. They weren't just fuckbuddies, or at least not anymore. But they certainly weren't just friends either, their nights together proved that wrong way too many times. Friends with benefits? Or were they in a very loose relationship that was never said to be?

  
Markus knew that he felt something for Connor, but couldn't quite define what it was. Love? Certainly not, he never got jealous, even if he knew that Connor was fucking with half of the Uni. Just deeper friendship? Maybe?

  
"What's wrong, M?" Connor pulled the man out of his thoughts with a concerned expression. "You don't want me to stay at your place?"

  
Markus flicked his gaze to Connor and just silently shook his head. That changed Connor's expression to confusion.

  
"No, you don't want me to stay, or No, you want me to stay?"

  
"I want you to stay. I just..." Markus sighed, as he tried to form his words. But he certainly didn't have enough alcohol in his blood to talk about it now. He shook his head and cleared his throat. "Forget it, okay?" He looked at him, a slight smile on his lips.

  
"You worry me sometimes, Markus..." Connor sighed but decided to not push further. "But you know that you can talk to me about anything, right?"

  
"Yeah... I know, Con." He smiled at him again, more sincerely this time.

  
Connor ordered two more drinks, one for him and one for Markus because he had it almost all in him by now.

  
"Now if you excuse me, I'll go to the bathroom really quick." Connor looked at Markus as he stood up. "Don't you dare to disappear." He smiled and trailed off.

  
The drinks were quickly delivered to Markus and he thanked for them. He put his head in his hands and sighed again. Honestly, he wouldn't mind having a relationship with Connor, but he knew that would mean for Connor to stop fucking with students. Or maybe they could have some agreement? He signed again, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands.

  
 _How did this even start?_ It wasn't long after he joined the Uni when he met Connor at the gym. And fuck, he would lie if he said that Connor didn't look fuckable, all sweaty with his muscles flexed. And charming. Nonchalant. They started to meet quite regularly and also started to exercise together. But all changed when Connor railed him in the showers one evening after their now routine exercise. At the first, they both thought that it was a one-time deal, but it quickly started to be part of their exercise plan.

  
Connor wanted experience, and Markus wanted to be fucked up. Connor wanted control, and Markus wanted release. It was a symbiotic agreement, nothing more. At least that's what it was at the start. Now quick kisses, blushing and short hand holding filled almost every interaction that they shared. And Markus didn't mind. After all, Connor was the closest person that he had. Of course, there was Josh, but Markus felt that was only because he just didn't want to tell him off.

  
And now the whole deal with Simon? It was fucking with Markus' head even more. He felt himself longing for him, wanting to be close to the shy boy, he wanted to be able to hold his hand and kiss every freckle and mole on his pale face. But maybe that was only lust for forbidden fruit. After all, Simon was something, someone, new for Markus. He was a kind, selfless ray of subtle sunshine that peeked through the blinds on cold mornings.

  
Markus felt his breath hitch and his heart skip a beat. Oh shit. This will be interesting at one point. But that was the problem for his future self. Right now, he came here to get wasted and probably fuck with Connor, what could go wrong?  
  


* * *

  
When Connor came back from the bathrooms, Markus didn't even lift his gaze from his drink.

  
"Few more minutes and I would start to think that you’ve decided to give head to someone in the bathroom stall." He teased, shaking his head. He looked at him after a few quiet seconds, only to see a pink tint in Connor's face and the tips of his ears.

  
_"Wait, don't tell me that you actually-"_

  
"What, no-!" Connor's eyes widened as he shook frantically his head. "I- I only just nearly crushed someone at the bathrooms, that's all." He let out a quiet chuckle, quickly fixing his curly hair in the faint reflection on the glass that protected various liquor bottles at the other side of the bar.

  
"You look great as always, Con." Markus grabbed Connor's hands in his hair, shaking his head and chuckling. "Now tell me what happened before you bust a vein or something."

  
Connor looked at Markus, forcing his hands to stop moving and let them fall on the bar.

  
"It's rather nothing, really." He tried to wiggle out of this situation, but after seeing Markus's stern look, he reluctantly continued. "I got out of the stall and bumped into some guy on accident. He nearly fell to the floor on his ass so I caught him." He shrugged. "I don't know if he looked more terrified or horny, though. It was rather awkward after that, so I quickly left." He ended with a nervous chuckle, his hands again wandering to occupy themselves with fixing his uniform.

  
"I mean, you manhandling _anyone_ is extremely erotic, so I don't know why are you even surprised." Markus couldn't suppress the note, chuckling quietly.

  
"I know, I just- he looked so pure and innocent! And I think I made him quite uncomfortable, too... I really hope I didn't hurt him, though." Connor trailed off, grabbing his drink and taking a big gulp.

  
"I'm sure he's fine." Markus chuckled at the sight of nervous mess that is Connor, before taking the drink from his hand. "Slowly, okay? I think you don't want to get wasted in the first two hours, right?" He put the drink on the counter, but Connor didn't seem to calm down.

  
Markus took his face into his hands, his thumbs stroking his cheeks. "Con, look at me. There we go. I'm sure he's fine, okay? You said you caught him and he didn't fall, right?"

  
Connor gave him a silent nod.

  
"So, I'm almost 100% sure, that apart from maybe a boner, nothing happened to him, okay? Do you think that too?" After those years of knowing Connor, Markus knew that asking him questions with simple answers were the best things to ground him.

  
Connor nodded again.

  
"Use your words, _baby_ ," Markus whispered as he slowly caressed Connor's cheeks, his eyes trailing on every little freckle on the pale skin. "You think that nothin’ happened to him?"

  
Connor's voice at first cracked when he tried to speak but he cleared his throat and tried again. "I do."

  
Markus pressed a light kiss onto his forehead, before continuing with one on the top of his nose, trailing to both of his cheeks and then a quick smooch on his plump lips. "There we go." Markus gave him a warm smile, lightly tugging at one of Connor's cheek. "Feeling better now?"

  
Connor looked down, his cheeks growing red one more time. "Yeah... Thank you." A small smile appeared on his face, he took one of Markus' hands in his own, kissing the knuckles.

  
Markus kissed Connor's forehead one more time. Now he was sure that they weren't just some friends with benefits. _Oh fuck_.

  
"Let's do something fun, okay? Or do you want to stay here at the bar?" Markus asked, shushing his thoughts away.

  
"Sure, I think we could start doing something else than drinking." Connor chuckled, before gulping down the rest of his drink again. Markus did the same with his own.  
  


* * *

  
"And that's another point for our best boy, Connor!" One man cheered as Connor managed to get another ping pong ball into a glass with alcohol on the other side of the table. "Drink up, Markus!"

  
"And when I thought that we will do something else than drink," Markus quickly got the shot inside of him and shook his head to get the bitter taste out. "We stumble across a beer pong."

  
"You're just mad because you throw like a lady." Connor teased as he high-fived with the guy at his side.

  
"I'll throw you _like a lady_ across the room if I have to." Markus snickered as he threw his ball.

  
He was pretty much drunk at this point, but that was the point, and he was pretty much having fun. He laughed and pointed at Connor.

  
"Well, my lady throw just got me a point, smartass."

  
Connor chuckled as he drank the shot. "I _hate_ you."

  
"You love me." Markus teased as he stretched, a few of his joints popped.

  
"Shut up," Connor muttered as he shook his head. "I hate you wholeheartedly." He smirked at Markus.

  
"It seems that we have some marital quarrel on the field!" The man who called their shots and misses shouted, bumping his shoulder with Connor. "Are we playing bets on who will win?" He turned to the crowd that managed to circle them.

  
Markus shook his head when he heard the drunk crowd cheer and agree. "No one is going to place bets, guys!" He laughed, crossing his arms on his chest.

  
"And you know why?" Connor continued, before throwing one of his balls across the table, right into the last Markus' cup. "Because I won!" He raised his hands, grinning victoriously.

  
"Fuck off." Markus laughed, taking the cup and drinking the liquor inside. "Fucking leader of a sport team kicks art students ass, how unpredictable." He snickered, putting the cup away and shaking his head.

  
"Aww, don't be petty." Connor almost wheezed.

  
They quickly cleaned the table and prepared new shots on both sides of the table.

  
"Dare to do another round?" Connor smirked at his friend, crossing his arms on his chest.

  
"Oh hell no." Markus rubbed his face with one hand. "One more shot of tequila and I'm sure I'll puke."

  
Connor nodded while chuckling and fixing his hair. "Wanna grab some pizza downstairs, though? It's about time for the first delivery and if the luck is on our side, we could grab one only for us." He smirked mischievously at Markus.

  
"That sounds like a good plan." Markus agreed eagerly. "The last one who gets to the entrance is a chicken!" He called out suddenly as he ran to the doors and out of them down the hall and stairs.

  
"Hey!" Connor yelled after him but quickly caught upon him.

  
They both took two stairs at the time and Connor let Markus have a small lead, but as they got to the hall on the ground floor his pace quickly sped up, effectively outrunning Markus as he stopped at the entrance door. Markus was close behind him, almost crashing into him as he tried to stop his legs. Thank God for Connor stepping in his way and body blocking him, or he would probably run right through the glass door.

  
Both of the men were breathing heavily, their hearts pacing from the sudden movement. Markus leaned against his knees, his arms supporting him, as he swallowed thick spit that was covering the inside of his mouth.

  
"Don't start fights that you can't win," Connor smirked at Markus as he leaned against the door, his arms crossed on his chest.

  
" _So_ funny." Markus shook his head, breathing heavily and chuckling. He looked up and saw the delivery guy already walking out of his car with a stack of pizzas in his hands.

  
Connor was already on his way to him, grabbing one pizza from the top and slid 5$ bill in his shirt pocket. He turned around to Markus and smiled brightly, being proud of his catch.

  
"Wanna sneak on the roof and eat it?" He cheered, tilting his head adorably and Markus couldn't do anything but smile like an idiot and nod.

  
"Yeah, that sounds awesome."

  
Both men walked back inside to the elevator, being too lazy to take the stairs to the top floor. Markus pressed the button that called the elevator and leaned against the door, smiling widely and letting the breath out of his lungs. He finally started to feel the alcohol that was rushing in his blood and his mind was in a beautiful bliss.

  
He looked at Connor, that was already looking at him back, little red in cheeks, his cute freckles almost shining on his face. Markus felt how in that moment time stopped. He wished that the moment between the beats of his heart would last forever. Just two young and drunk people enjoying their time together while they can.

  
And then the elevator door opened and Markus fell back first into the elevator.

  
"Holy shit, Markus!" Connor rushed forward to catch him but was too late, Markus was already on his back on the floor, laughing his lungs out. "Are you okay?!"

  
Markus was so shaken and surprised by the moment that he couldn't do anything but laugh and nod frantically.

  
Connor shifted the pizza box in his hands and held the free one out to Markus. The man just weakly grabbed it, still not being able to collect his thoughts and coordinate his movements. So, Connor grabbed his forearm tightly and lifted him up. Markus almost fell into his arms, still giggling, he quickly got comfy and almost curled up on his chest, face nuzzling into the crook of his neck.

  
Connor smiled and wrapped his free hand around Markus' waist, pulling him close.

  
"You okay, M? Nothing broken or anything?"

  
Markus just shook his head. "Yeah, I'm okay." He let out quietly.

  
His giggling slowly stopped and he closed his eyes. He felt every little muscle on Connor's body stretch and flex, and at this moment, he wanted to melt into him. Feel their molecules mix, share one body, and one mind.

  
The elevator doors opened and Markus felt how the cold air of the hall crept inside. Connor must have pushed the button and now they were in the hall that leads to the roof.

  
"Can we spend a little more time like this?" Markus let out, pushing closer to Connor, shaking for a moment as he felt cold sliding down his spine.

  
"We can have all the time in the world," Connor whispered, slowly caressing Markus' short hair and kissing his forehead, he closed his eyes too.

  
_We can have all the time in the world._

  
Everything felt... So peaceful at the moment. The air was quietly wheezing outside of the hall and quiet music could be heard from the floors underneath. Connor's heartbeat. The steady rhythm that set   
Markus' mind at peace. He pushed his nose deeper into Connor's skin, feeling almost lightheaded from the scent of soap mixed with cologne as Connor pressed Markus‘ waist closer to him.

  
"Come on, babe, we gotta go or the pizza will be stone cold." Whispered Connor into Markus' ear, sending more shivers down his spine.

  
But even though Markus really didn't want to, in fact, he wanted to spend eternity there in Connor's arms, he nodded and slowly stepped away from Connor.

  
Both of the men slowly walked through the hall to a small set of stairs that led to the roof. Connor went first and held the door for Markus, the man quickly slipped through the door outside and was surprised that the wind was in fact warm, the total opposite of what he expected. They walked to the other corner of the flat roof and Connor took off his navy blue jacket and put it on the floor, allowing them to sit down more comfortably and without the worry of the cold ground.

  
He sat down and leaned his back against the wall, Markus quickly did the same. He opened the pizza box and smiled brightly when the smell of fresh pizza hit his nose.

  
"It feels almost like a tradition now," Markus noted as he took one slice and bit into it.

  
Connor just nodded, his mouth already stuffed with the food.

  
It wasn't long after they started to see each other regularly, that the Halloween party took place three years ago, but honestly, at that time they went there only to get a quick make-out session in one of the bathroom stalls and then spend the night at Markus' dorm. Markus had to smirk to himself, he wouldn't certainly mind it even now, but now they were there because they both actually enjoyed each other's company.

  
Connor looked up and searched his pockets, before taking out a pack of cigarettes, he offered one to Markus, that shook his head.

  
"I quit but thank you. Carl doesn't like it."

  
Connor shrugged but nodded, before lighting one of the cigarettes between his lips. He dragged out a long breath, before letting the smoke escape his lungs. He looked up again.

  
"It would be a great night for stargazing..."

  
Markus looked at the outline of the man, his face only illuminated by some small lamps on the corners of the flat roof.

  
"Too bad that it's so cloudy." Connor trailed off, taking another drag from the cigarette. The tip started to shine bright red for a few seconds before fading again.

  
"I'm here with you, so it's great either way." Markus shook his head, shifting closer to Connor and leaning into his shoulder.

  
"That was so cheesy, but I'm drunk and fed, so I'll let it slip." Connor chuckled and looked at him, putting a half-eaten pizza slice back in the box.

  
"It was smooth, so suck it up." Markus shifted himself, so he was now sitting on Connor's lap.

  
"Well, hello." Connor purred, putting his hands around Markus‘ waist and smiling. "Someone's affectionate."

  
Markus chuckled. "Do you think we could..." His eyes trailed off to the cigarette hanging between Connor's lips.

  
It took a few seconds for Connor to get his idea, but he quickly nodded. He took a long drag from the cigarette, before taking it out of his mouth with his second and third finger, he slowly put another hand on Markus jaw and sealing their lips together.

  
Markus put his hands on his shoulders, deepening the kiss and parting slightly his lips. He felt Connor smile and breathe out. He felt how the smoke slowly filled his lungs and how the second-hand nicotine wave hit his mind. They held like this for a while, as Markus pushed against Connor's lips and let his heartbeat slow down. He slowly leaned back and looked at Connor, he felt how his face was flushed.

  
Markus let out the breath that Connor gave him before and smiled contently.

  
"Does this still count as smoking?" He chuckled and rested his forehead against Connor's shoulder.

  
"I mean, _kinda_?" Said Connor, actually thinking about it. "You won't get the full blast, but some of the nicotine is still there, I think."

  
"My relationship with cigarettes is complicated." Markus chuckled, shaking his head before he took Connor's cigarette out of his fingers and took a long drag from it himself. "At least I'm trying to quit, Carl. I should get some points for trying." He breathed out the smoke into Connor's face.

  
"You and your logic amaze me every time." Connor took the cig back from Markus and took the last drag out of it, before stomping the bud into the ground. "Now come here." His long fingers found the thick fabric of Markus' Jersey and pulled him closer, then his lips crushed with Markus' as he grabbed his waist with the other hand and pulled him towards him.

  
Markus felt his breath hitch, as he pushed closer to the brunette and tangled his fingers into Connor's wavy hair, tugging at them slightly. A quiet muffled whimper escaped Connor's mouth, as he gasped for air. Markus quickly took the opportunity and slipped his tongue into his mouth, biting and tugging at his bottom lip.

  
Connor tasted like alcohol, pizza, and cigarettes. Rare combination when kissing Connor, but he certainly didn't mind. He shifted one hand from his hair to his chest, fiddling with the buttons of the shirt. He wondered if his cop uniform actually had handcuffs and if Connor would be willing to fuck him right here on the roof.

  
Markus slowly grinded down with his hips against Connor's. Both men let out stuttered breaths, as their groins rubbed together.

  
Their moment was suddenly interrupted by a sharp loud noise coming from Connor's mobile notifying an incoming call.

  
" _Fuck_." Connor muttered as he searched his pockets for the phone.

  
Markus caught his hands. "You don't have to pick it up." He whispered as he placed a kiss on his neck, slowly sinking his teeth into the soft skin.

  
"Could be important." Connor shook his head as he slipped out of Markus' grip and took out his phone. He sighed when he saw the name on the screen. "It's Richard. I have to pick it up, sorry." He placed a quick kiss on Markus‘ lips before pushing the green button and putting the phone to his ear. "Yeah?"

  
Few words could be heard from the microphone, but Markus couldn't recognize anything particular.

  
"I understand. Do you really need me there though?"

  
Markus started pressing light kisses on the thin skin on his neck, desperately needing the attention or friction. Connor grabbed him by the hip, sinking his nails into the skin. It would certainly leave a mark. The man whimpered and pushed his nose into the crook of the neck he was kissing.

  
"Okay, okay. I'll be there in five, okay?"

  
After that, Connor put the phone down sighing. "Nines needs help with some drunk guys on the second floor." He sighed. "And because I'm an organizer too, I'm required to help and sort it out."

  
"Isn't Nines like security? Shouldn't it be his problem, not yours?"

  
"It should, but he likes to make my life harder." Connor shook his head, sighing again. "Okay, fun's over... I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you." He placed kisses on Markus' cheeks and forehead. "Meet me in half an hour at the balcony, maybe?"

  
Markus pouted but nodded. "I hope you'll keep your promise." He slowly stood up and held one hand out to help Connor to stand up.

  
The brunette accepted the hand and got up quickly, then he brushed out the wrinkles from the coat they were sitting on and put it on. He looked at Markus apologizingly, but Markus couldn't be mad. Not when his puppy eyes were staring at him that way.

  
"Jesus, just go, before my heart melts." Markus chuckled, placing a kiss on Connor's cheek. "I'll be waiting on the balcony and we can eat the rest of the pizza."  
  


* * *

  
If Markus said that the person who he expected on the balcony was Simon, he would be lying his ass to hell and back.

  
But here he was, all in black, sitting at the table with a cigarette between his lips. Markus could see how noticeably he jumped when he saw him.

  
"Oh, hello! Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." He quickly apologized. "Can I stay here? I'm waiting for someone."

  
Simon was quiet as a mouse for a few seconds and Markus almost started to wonder if he lost his voice. "Um, yeah, why not." He nodded to the wooden chair and shifted himself closer to the edge of the table.

  
Markus took one chair and leaned back, closing his eyes and putting his hands behind his head. This was the first time that he was with Simon alone and he sure was going to use it.

  
"I never could guess that you are the type for parties."

  
"Because I'm not." The blonde shook his head, taking a drag from the cigarette. "I'm here because of North."

  
"And North is..."

  
"That girl who was with me when I was studying with you."

  
"The strawberry blonde one?" Markus just now realized that he saw her at the class that he snuck in with Josh.

  
Simon just nodded. "Yep, that's the one."

  
Markus nodded and silence filled the balcony. Only the quiet shifting of leaves on the trees below them and muffled music from the party could be heard. After a few minutes, Markus finally collected enough courage to ask one question that was eating him from inside.

  
"Is she... Your _girlfriend_?"

  
That question has punched all of the air from Simon's lungs and made him cough on the smoke.

  
"W- what?!" He let out between the coughing. "No, no no no. She's **not** my girlfriend." He shook his head frantically, stomping the cigarette into the ashtray on the table.

  
He felt how he got red in the face and how his heart started racing. Why the hell was Markus asking this? Was he already that drunk? For who was he waiting here? Too many questions that Simon certainly didn't have enough alcohol in his blood to ask.

  
Markus nodded. "Sorry if it seemed rude, I'm just curious." He looked at Simon apologizingly, looking at the pizza box on his lap.

  
He opened it up, took the half-eaten slice that Connor left there, and bit into it. Then he looked at Simon and handed him the box.

  
"Do you eat pizza? Take it as an apology." Markus smiled at Simon, desperately trying to make their interaction not as awkward.

  
Simon looked at him like he was scared that he was going to bite him, but he hesitantly took the pizza box and opened it.

  
"I suppose it isn't gluten-free, right?" He looked at the pepperoni pizza and then on Markus.

  
"I think it's not... I don't know what kinds the organizers ordered."

  
"Then I will have to kindly decline your offer." He shook his head but smiled at him. "But I accept your apology." He searched his pockets for some long-forgotten cigarette pack but was unsuccessful.

  
Markus looked at him, as he searched his own, then he handed the pack to Simon. He shouldn't support the addiction that destroys lungs, but he knew how cravings could be. The blonde stuck the stick between his lips, before lighting it on fire and inhaling deeply.

  
Their now comfortable silence was disrupted by the sound of Markus' phone ringing and at this point, Markus wished that phones weren't allowed at the party.

  
"Shit, sorry." He got up and took the phone out of his pocket, it was Connor.

  
"Hi, Con. What's up?"

  
"Markus, I have bad news." Connor's voice sounded hesitant.

  
"Bad news? What happened?" Markus got up and started slowly pacing on the balcony from one side to another to calm his nerves.

  
"It's about dad... I and Nines sorted the thing with the drunk guys out, but we got a call that dad wasn't doing good."

  
"Oh shit! Is he okay?" Markus' eyes widened.

  
"Yes, he's okay, just passed out... I'm sorry but I'll have to go home to check up on him. I'm really sorry."

  
"What the hell, Connor! Don't apologize and get home, you didn't even have to call."

  
"I know, I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to wait for me. And that I'm sorry that I can't make it up to you today."

  
"What- Connor, you don't have to apologize for this! Just text me when you get home so I know you're safe, okay?"

  
"Okay, I will. I have to go now..."

  
"Take care and be careful, m'kay?"

  
"I will. Bye, M."

  
"See you, Connor." Markus put down the phone and pushed the red button to end the call.

  
"Well, it seems that I'm not waiting for anyone anymore." He chuckled, even though he was worried about Connor. He seemed off. Sure, he was kinda startled about his dad, but there was something that Markus couldn't get his hands on.

  
"Is he okay? I'm sorry if it seemed like eavesdropping, but I can't pretend that I didn't hear what you were saying."

  
Markus honestly felt flattered that Simon cared about someone he didn't even know anything about.

  
"Yes, he's okay, just some family business." He nodded and put the phone into his pocket. He looked at the empty spot on the table and gestured to it. "Can I?"

  
Simon shifted a little bit more on the table but nodded quickly. That surprised Markus, but he walked to the table and sat beside Simon. He took a deep breath and thought about some topics to talk with Simon about. He finally looked at Simon from a bit closer distance. Was he wearing a costume of a priest? Maybe he was religious... He wouldn't even be surprised with the way Simon acted and spoke. He noticed a slight shiver that waved through his body, it was obvious that he tried to hide it, though.

  
He took off his jacket and looked at it, it was a red jersey jacket that he had from his collage from the time that he was in a rugby team.

  
"Here, take this. You have to be freezing to death." He slowly put it on Simon's shoulders, covering his back.

  
Simon jumped a little bit, but looked at Markus and didn't push his hands away.

  
"O-okay-." He let out quietly and tugged at the thick fabric with his long pale fingers to cover himself more. "Thank you, Markus."

  
Markus couldn't do anything but smile, Simon slowly put the jacket on and he had to admit that it looked adorable on him. He felt how his face got a bit hot and his heartbeat quickened, as he slowly and carefully shifted himself on his seat more to the left, so his and Simon's shoulders were almost touching.

  
"Better?" He smiled a bit, looking at the tip of his shoes.

  
"Yeah... Better." Simon almost whispered as he clenched his jaw and closed his eyes. Their thighs were almost touching too and Simon would do anything for just being able to feel and touch them. He took a long drag from the cigarette to calm his heartbeat and mind, before putting it to rest at the side of the ashtray on the table.

  
He slowly raised his hands and breathed into them to warm them too, when he found out that the jacket has no pockets. His fingers and hands were always cold, it had something to do with circulation, but he never really cared, because it didn't affect his life that much. He could feel how Markus was radiating heat even with the distance between them. He wondered how warm his hands would feel...

  
Like Markus could mind read, he felt how his hands were slowly embraced by Markus'. At first, it was just a soft touch, almost to get the permission to touch him, but when Simon didn't jerk his hands away, he felt how Markus' long fingers slowly hugged his own. They both slowly lowered their hands so they now rested between them and didn't just hang in the air. Simon swallowed and looked aside as he felt his face get pink at the cheeks and tip of the ears.

  
Markus' hands really were incredibly warm and he felt already so much better. Maybe it was the warmth, maybe it was simply his touch, but Simon didn't care. His mind was in a blissful fog. Maybe it was alcohol in his blood finally kicking in, or maybe it was Markus' scent. Axe deodorant and cigarettes. Either way, it made Markus the only thing on Simon's mind.

  
"There..." Markus let out quietly as a warm smile found his way to his lips. He slowly caressed the top of Simon's hand with his thumb. "I'm like a walking and talking heater when I drink." He chuckled softly.

  
"Your hands are really warm." Simon looked down embarrassed, his blonde eyelashes almost perfectly reflected the light from the street lights below them. " _I like that._ " He clenched his jaw and closed his eyes.

  
Markus would lie if he said that he didn't have the biggest shit-eating grin on his face. He felt how his heart fluttered and heat flushed through his chest.

  
"I'm sure you'll feel warmer in no time."

  
They stayed like this for several minutes and both of them were savouring these moments like they were their last. Simon's hands were incredibly soft, without even the slightest mark of calluses or any imperfections and without the smallest cut or scab. He watched them for minutes, carving their shape in his memory like in marble. Every little beauty mark and tendon under the beautifully pale skin. He was sure that he will spend hours drawing them over and over in his sketchbook, as well as Simon's face that was for him almost angel-like.

  
"Why are you even here on the balcony, when you get cold easily?" He tilted his head as he very slightly squeezed Simon's hands in his.

  
Simon was quiet for a few seconds before he spoke quietly. "I got here on accident, actually. I was trying to get away from Gavin."

  
"Who is Gavin?"

  
"One guy who loves to make my time on Uni a living hell."

  
Markus nodded. "Well... Since I have the rest of the evening for myself... Would you mind if I kept you company? So, the Gavin guy won't bother you anymore?" He slowly looked at Simon, sure, maybe he was taking a little advantage of his situation, but on the other side, wanted to keep him safe.

  
Simon looked at him, thinking for a bit, evaluating the pros and cons, before nodding slowly.

  
"It sounds nice, I suppose." He let out quietly, smiling lightly.

  
Markus nodded and looked back inside through the glass door.

  
"Is he still inside?"

  
The blonde shot a quick look inside, searching for the familiar face with a scar across his nose. He shook his head. "I don't see him there."

  
Markus nodded, softly squeezing Simon's hands in his, it forced the air out of Simon's lungs, but he didn't notice that.

  
"We should get inside, then." He looked at him, smiling softly as he stood up from his seat on the table. "I don't want you to freeze to death." Their hands slowly parted and both of them regretted the loss of the contact already.

  
Simon just nodded as he tugged at the fabric of the Jersey jacket, keeping his fingers occupied. "Could we get... Some more drinks?" Oh god, he already regretted that question already. Shit _shit_ ****shit****.

  
"You read my mind."  
  


* * *

  
They spent the next hour sitting at the improvised wooden bar, the same one that Markus' was sitting with Connor before, chatting. It wasn't some big discussions, just little talks here and there. Simon learned that Markus has brother Leo, that messed up big time with drugs one time, and that he's now on rehab while being more than one year clean. He also learned that Markus studies General Art studies, even though he wants to specialize in traditional drawing techniques, such as watercolours or ink.

  
Markus on the other hand learned that the more alcohol Simon has in his blood, the more he talks. And the more he talks, the less he actually says. Even though Simon at this point was speaking in whole sentences, so little information about him was actually coming through.

  
"And how about your costume? It's some priest, right?" Markus asked, he was slowly snacking on peanuts from the little bowl on the counter.

  
Simon nodded. "It's actually authentic, I mean, from real church and stuff. Fathers wear the exact same." He sipped from the straw in his bright blue iced drink.

  
"You're religious? I mean, I wouldn't even be surprised." He stated as he stretched his arms, he was feeling maybe a little bit too drunk for his liking.

  
Simon chucked as he swirled ice cubes in the glass with the straw. "I was _raised_ Catholic." He looked at Markus, his eyes sliding down on his chest. Maybe he was checking him out, maybe he was just   
looking at the Superman t-shirt, maybe both. "But I'm not religious now, if that's what you mean, _Superman_."

  
Markus flicked his eyes to his chest and chuckled. "Yes, thank you." He rubbed his eyes and couldn't do anything but smile. His head was in a thick heavy fog, but he didn't mind that much.

  
He searched his pockets for his phone and as he took it out, he lit up the screen. On his home screen was a photo of him, Connor and Sumo from last year when they spent the whole summer in a cabin by a lake. Carl would spend his whole days and days there, painting the landscapes and games of shadows and lights. But when his conditions bounded him to a wheelchair, he gifted the cabin to Markus.

  
In the photo, they were standing on a wooden patio, with sunset glazing everything in gold. Connor was holding him by the waist, waving at the person behind the camera and Markus had a hand wrapped across Connor's shoulders, both having bright smiles on their faces. By their feet was laying Sumo with a tennis ball in his mouth.

  
Markus had to smile, it was one of the few photos that they actually had together. Connor never was a person that liked selfies and photographs. He looked at the time; 22:03. Just in time, he smirked as he stood up.

  
Simon looked up to him, brows furrowed in confusion. "Everything okay?"

  
"More than okay." Markus hummed as he grabbed Simon by hand, pulling him from the seat on his feet. "Because now it's time for Annual Detroit Dance Off."

  
"Annual _what_?" The blonde blinked as he was suddenly pulled from his comfortable spot, he had to grab on Markus‘ shoulder so he wouldn't trip.

  
"Annual Detroit Dance-Off, but it's just fancier word for drunk Just Dance," Markus smirked at him, helping him find balance. "Do you dance? You look like a good dancer."

  
"Yeah." _No._ "I can dance." _I can't._ Simon, what the **_fuck_** are you saying?

  
Simon's eyes met with Markus'. Maybe it was his hand on his waist to give him stability, maybe it was the strong scent of his Axe deodorant, but Simon now realized that this man will make him do many stupid things in their next interactions. And he couldn't care less at this point. Deep down inside his brain, in the farthest corner of his skull, he wanted Markus to squeeze his waist more, dig his nails into the skin and leave deep marks that would be there for a week, maybe more.

  
Simon's eyes widened at the sudden realization and he felt how pink crawled its way to his cheeks. He jerked his body, snatching out of Markus' reach and supporting himself with the wooden counter instead. He had to cough and swallow the thick feeling in his throat.

  
And Markus couldn't do anything but chuckle and straighten some wrinkles on his dress shirt. Was he blushing too? Maybe it was just a game of light and shadows.

  
"So? Did the dancing startle you?"

  
Simon swallowed and shook his head.  
  


* * *

  
Needless to say, even if Simon thought that he was a terrible dancer, he was kicking everybody's ass in the Just Dance matches. Maybe it was because everyone else had borderline alcohol poisoning at this point, maybe it was just because he was better than them. But it didn't fail to impress Markus.

  
The dance-off was on the idea that two people dance, and the winner will play with the winner of another match, the winner of that will play more, and so on. At the start all of the people that wanted to play put their names into a big box and one random person was reaching into it, pulling two names out and setting the matches. After 45 minutes of intense dancing to classics and memes, only two people were left. Simon and Markus.

  
"How about some break before the last great dance?" Markus let out breathlessly as he sat on one of the sofas in the room. In the process, he lost the dress shirt, so now he was only in the Superman t-shirt, with sweat coating most of his skin.

  
"Your stamina isn't that great, even though you mentioned that you exercise regularly." Chucked Simon as he sat at the other side of the couch. He had his sleeves rolled up, but didn't unbutton the black shirt even a little.

  
"Simon. I'm drunk and I ate a whole pizza before we started dancing. I'm surprised that I even made it this far." He laughed and shook his head.

  
"And _I'm_ surprised that you're socializing, Simon." A familiar voice interrupted the blonde's train of thoughts.

  
He looked up almost like a guilty child and suppressed a grin eating its way to his face. Above them was standing North, she somewhere stole a tank top that sat underneath the camo dress shirt, which was now fully unbuttoned. Her hair was a mess, with strands sticking out at multiple places. And most importantly, she had her neck covered in dark purple spots.

  
"Oh hi, North." Simon shook his head, standing up and straight-up hugging her. That maybe got a little bit surprised reaction from her, but she hugged him back almost immediately. "Where have you even been?"

  
"Well, here and there." She replied with a grin across her face, shrugging. "I just wanted to check up on you, so you’re still alive and no one abducted you, or something.” The redhead smirked and took one step backward, eyeing Simon, before smoothing out few wrinkles on his black shirt. Then she looked at Markus that was watching them the whole time. “Hey, I think I saw you before...” She thought to herself. “You’re the _‘I can’t do chemistry’_ guy from the other day.”

  
Markus had to chuckle, she even called him before and knew that he was sleeping with Connor, but the alcohol had to fill her mind with thick fog. “Guilty.” He nodded and stood up slowly, he almost yelped when she hugged him suddenly.

  
She looked at him when they parted and had to chuckle. “I suppose you’re not that awful when Simon is spending his time with you of his own will.”

  
“I’m flattered. Should I blush?” He had to laugh when he turned and saw Simon’s face that screamed ‘ ** _ABORT ABORT_** ’. “It seems like you already managed that first, though.”

  
“Well, I think that this is the best time to leave you lovebirds alone.” Teased North, shaking her head and bumping her shoulder with Simon’s.

  
Sober she wouldn’t even dare to leave him alone, but now the alcohol made its way up in her brain.

  
“It seems like I’ll be spending my night with two hot lesbians, so I was wondering if you want me to walk you to the bus station now, or you’ll manage alone later.” The redhead looked at Simon with the most innocent smile that she could manage.

  
“Don’t worry.” Markus interrupted their conversation, smiling at North. “I’ll take care of him for the rest of the evening.” He looked at the blonde. “If you don’t mind, of course. I can walk you to the stop after the match if you want.”

  
Simon didn’t look at any of them, just drilled a hole in the floor by his glare. His cheeks were now bright pink from the fact that the two people were caring about him so much. He took a long shaky breath and looked up.

  
“Thank you North for even stopping by and not ghosting me right away, I appreciate it. But no need.” He smiled at her. “I’ll stay here with Markus for a bit.” _Simon **N O**_ **.** _What are you saying??? You should go home, **right now**_. The voice of his brother ringed again in his head. He forcibly pushed it out. He was having fun now and he didn’t want to stop either. “Go, enjoy your night and please be safe.”

  
“You’re the best!” North jumped around his shoulders, hugging him and smiling. Then she looked at Markus as she walked to him, gesturing him to lower himself so she could speak in his ear. When he did that, she proceeded. “If anything happens to him, and I mean anything. You’re dead before you can say _‘Look at my wide shoulders and appreciate me’_. Understood?”

  
Markus immediately nodded. “I wouldn’t let anything happen to him. I swear.”

  
North looked at him and squeezed her eyes. Then she smiled and a huge boulder fell from Markus’ heart. “Okay. Deal.” She clapped, smiling. “Be safe, okay honey?” The redhead looked at Simon, squeezing his shoulder.

  
“Only if you’ll be too.”

  
“Okay, time to go.” North smiled when she saw two girls at the doors, before almost dancing off to them. “Bye, boys.”

  
They watched her leave with them before Markus chuckled. “Your friend is something else.”

  
“Yeah...” Agreed the blonde before sitting down on the sofa again. He yawned. “She will kill me one day, I am sure of it.”

  
Markus sat heavily beside him, their shoulders touched, but Simon didn’t seem to mind. “Where did you even came to her? I suppose she almost ‘ _adopted_ ’ you. You don’t seem like the type that would search for social interactions.”

  
“Yea, I’m not. And yea, she adopted me. She just started to appear in my classes one day and wouldn’t leave me alone even when I begged her to go away.” Simon had to let out a sincere laugh that made thousands of butterflies take off in Markus’ stomach.

  
Before Markus could say anything, another figure blocked their view of the room and before they could do anything, they were pulled up from their seats by two pairs of strong arms. “Break’s over, boys! Go set that dance floor on fire!”

  
“Luther, wait!” Markus snorted, as he was pulled forward by his friend from times when he played rugby. “Let me at least get my things!”

  
“We both know that you don’t have any things there, young lady. Don’t try to get out.”

  
Markus let out a snort before snatching his arm from Luther’s strong grip. “Okay, okay! We’re going with you!” He looked at Simon who looked startled and shook by the sudden change and Luther’s grip.

  
“C-can you please let go of my arm?” He let out, clearly panicking, every one of his senses was telling him to get out from the man’s grip as quickly as possible.

  
Luther looked at him. “Shit, sorry man. Didn’t mean to grab you as well.” He immediately loosened his grip and looked down in apology. “You okay?”

  
Simon grabbed his arm in the spot where was Luther’s deadly grip just a seconds ago, rubbing it. “Yeah, I’m okay... Just please don’t ever grab me like that again.” He slowly looked at Markus. “Y-you too, please.”

  
“Of course, Simon.” Markus slowly reached out his hand to Simon and even slower he caressed the spot where Luther grabbed him.

  
Even with alcohol in his system, Simon still had a problem with new people getting close to him, let alone touching or grabbing him. The blonde took in a long shaky breath to calm himself, before looking up again. “Let’s just- let’s just finish the damn dance-off, please.”

  
Luther looked at Markus. “Sorry for scaring your friend... I can get you few extra minutes, but people want the TV the dance-off is playing on, for watching some films.”

  
“Give us 5 minutes, please. Thank you.”

  
Luther swiftly paced off, Markus looked back at the blonde, who was almost visibly shaking. “Do you want to go outside for a smoke? Or I could bring you a glass of water?”

  
“The water is enough... Thank you.” He let out weakly, before slowly sitting in a nearby chair.

  
The man just nodded, before disappearing for no more than thirty seconds. When he got back, he had a big glass of cold water in his hands. He handed it to Simon who gulped it in almost one go. When his lips parted with the cup, he panted and swallowed one more time. He was visibly feeling better, as the cold water that slid in his throat grounded him. He wiped the corner of his mouth from few drops of water and set the empty glass on the table nearby, then he looked up to Markus and a grateful smile appeared on his lips.

  
“Thank you... I’m feeling better now... But I don’t think that I’ll be able to compete with you in the Dance-off. I’m giving you the win.” He stated as he slowly got up.

  
Markus rose his eyebrows at the blonde. “Simon, I’m _not_ taking that victory. I can’t do that, that’s not fair.” He shook his head, folding his arms on his chest.

  
Simon shook his head. “Markus. Right now, I’m in no state for finishing the _damn_ Dance-off, understand?” Even though two minutes said otherwise, at that time, he wanted to get over with it, now his nerves snapped from being strained because of Luther. “Please just give me two minutes to collect myself.” He muttered as he slipped past the man back at the balcony that they first met.

  
“Simon- Simon wait!” Markus was at his heels the whole time, but Simon didn’t say a word, just swiftly paced to the balcony and breathed in the fresh air.

  
Simon heavily sat at the table, like before, and took in a deep breath of fresh cold air. When he exhaled, a little cloud of mist appeared in front of his mouth. It was really chilly, but right now, he didn’t care. It slowly calmed his racing heart and mind. He slowly looked up to Markus that arrived at the balcony shortly afterward but didn’t say anything.

  
The blonde looked at the ashtray, where he previously left half of an unsmoked cigarette and to his surprise, it was still there. He quickly took it and lit, before anyone could do anything. It was his third this evening, which completely overcharged any other of his previous episodes, where the only escape was nicotine. But again, he didn’t care.

  
Markus slowly walked to him and leaned against the cold metal of the balcony railing, his gaze nailed to the floor. He took a breath as he looked at the blonde.

  
“Simon-” He started, but quickly evaluated his words. “Simon, I hope that you know that Luther didn’t mean any harm...”

  
The blonde looked at him, shaking his head, before shifting his gaze to the red tip of the cigarette. “Yeah. I know.” He shifted in his seat and took a breath from the cigarette. “I just... Please never grab me like that.”

  
Markus just nodded as he took a step forward, he was now directly in front of Simon. “Would I be too nosy, if I asked why are you so jumpy?” _Oh fuck_. It sounded better in his head. He immediately regretted it. This must‘ve overstepped Simon boundaries by miles. **_Oh fuck._**

  
Simon shot a gaze his way, looking up with an expression Markus never saw before on the blonde’s face. He sharply exhaled the smoke into Markus’ face.

  
“Yes. You would be too nosy if you asked that.” Said Simon after a short pause.

  
Markus closed his eyes when the smoke hit him. But yeah, he deserved it. “I’m sorry.”

  
Simon stomped the bud of cig into the ashtray, now for good, and stretched his arms. “Don’t be sorry.” He looked at him. “Be better.” He added as he slowly unbuttoned the collar of his black dress shirt, leaving only the black turtle neck visible.

  
Yes, even with dress shirts, he wore high collared shirts underneath. It was almost like his characteristic. Not leaving his neck visible. Maybe because he was getting cold easily, though Markus.

  
Simon looked at Markus. “Or you know what? I’ll accept your apology if you accept the win in the Dance Off.“ He reached one hand to Markus in a gesture of solidarity.

  
The man furrowed his brows, looking at Simon’s hand, before shaking it. “Deal.”

  
Simon nodded and a light smile drifted across his lips, almost melting Markus’ heart, but then the blonde shivered. “Let’s go inside, please.”  
  


* * *

  
They both got back inside. Markus found Luther and told him that they can use the TV freely now, he also found the organizer of the Dance Off to settle the scores.

  
By the time he was done, Simon was sitting at the barstool, sipping some sparkling water. He unbuttoned his shirt completely now, there was still a black sleeveless turtleneck underneath, but it still was more than enough.

  
Markus sat beside him and chuckled. “I mean same, I’m pretty much done at this point.”

  
Simon looked at him and snickered. “One more drink and you’ll see me vomiting from the balcony.” He exclaimed as he drank the rest. He looked at the time on his phone and almost jumped out of his seat.

  
“ _Shit-_ ” He searched his pockets if he had everything before looking up at Markus. “I gotta go.”

  
“Woah, what happened? Why so sudden?” Markus furrowed his brows in confusion.

  
“My bus is here in a few minutes- _damn it._ ” He paced out of the room down the hall and to the stairs with Markus on his heels.

  
“Wait, I promised that I’ll walk you there! Simon, damn it.” Markus muttered as he jogged to the blonde, catching up to him.

  
“Markus, it’s okay, you can go back. You don’t have to walk me there.” Simon looked at him as he took the stairs, two at a time.

  
“Simon, North will skin me alive if something happens to you.” He shook his head, keeping up with the other man.

  
The blonde sighed heavily as he left the stairs and pushed out of the front doors, at this point he started running to the bus stop. Markus quickly followed, determined to not lose him out of his sight.

  
Simon turned a corner and as soon as he did, Markus could hear his profanities.

  
“Damn it, _fucking hell_ , fuck!” Simon muttered as he leaned against his knees, breathing hard and panting. “ _Fuck_.”

  
Markus was kinda taken aback by the amount of cursing that just left the blonde’s mouth.

  
“Hey, calm down, breathe.” He gently patted his back. “Please don’t faint or something.” Even though he would gladly give him CPR. “Just catch your breath, then you can curse all you want.” He lightly chuckled as Simon got up.

  
He let out a deep sigh as he looked at Markus. “The guy closed the doors right in front of my damn face, can you imagine it? It’s a night bus, where would you even hurry at this time? Damn it.”

  
Markus looked at him, thinking. “Can’t you just wait for the next bus?”

  
Simon had to let out a laugh. “Markus, this was the _last_ bus. The next one is in six hours...” He took in a deep breath. “And I can’t even ask North or anyone at the party for the ride, because everyone is pretty much wasted.” He shook his head and sighed. “Well... I should get going if I want to make it home in a decent time.”

  
“Simon, I’m not letting you walk home alone. Not in the middle of the night.” _Not ever_. Markus shook sharply his head.

  
“Then what should I do, Markus?” The blonde snapped at him hopelessly.

  
Markus took a deep breath, thinking. “You could sleep over at my dorm.” Markus laid it out only as an option, so he was surprised when Simon nodded.

  
“Okay, sure...” He was pretty much exhausted at this point and the run took the last drops of the energy that he had. Right now, he didn’t want to think of anything and this was the simplest solution. Sober Simon would rather kick and bite than spend a night somewhere unfamiliar with only one person. Anything could happen. But right now Simon was the farthest thing from sober.  
  


* * *

  
“Now you’ll have to excuse the mess, I didn’t expect any visitors.” Markus apologized as he pressed his palm on a scanner next to his door.

  
“That’s okay.” The blonde shook his head and smiled lightly. “You gave me a roof over my head for the night, so don’t apologize about anything.”

  
“Okay, but I warned you.” Markus chuckled and opened the door.

  
The room lighted automatically with dim yellow lights, illuminating the wooden furniture. Two desks, office chair, closet, and full-sized bed. The standard dorm rooms were much poorer on the interior, but all of the furniture was at his expense, so after some negotiations with Kamski, he was allowed to make himself home.

  
“Welcome to my kingdom.” Markus chuckled as he walked in, Simon quickly followed.

  
The man stretched and sat into his chair. “Okay, so, I have here some yoga mat.” He shifted himself to the closet and opened it. “So, you’ll take the bed and I’ll take the mat.”

  
“Markus, I’m not letting you sleep on the floor. _No way._ ” He frantically shook his head, as he shifted on his feet.

  
“And I,” Markus got up and showed a pair of grey sweats and a shirt into Simon’s arms. “Am not letting you sleep on the floor.” He shook his head and chuckled. “So, we either sleep on the floor both,” he quickly changed his shirt, which lead to Simon being pink from head to toes. “Or we share the bed, there is no other option,” Markus smirked as Simon got even redder.

  
Simon looked down as he shifted his weight on his feet. “I hate you.” He shook his head as he sat heavily on the bed, looking at the clothes in his hands.

  
Markus managed to get changed to more comfortable clothes by this time, so he turned his back to him to give him some privacy.

  
Simon let out a thankful hum as he changed his black pants for the grey sweatpants and took off his dress shirt. He didn’t change his top, so he was still wearing the black sleeveless turtleneck and when Markus turned back, he almost fainted from the view. Simon looked gorgeous in the shirt, it clung close to his skin, outlining the curves of muscles and bones underneath and the pants looked just adorable on him because they were few sizes bigger. He swallowed the hitched breath in his throat and cleaned his throat.

  
Simon sat back on the bed and shifted himself on one side, looking at Markus. “Well, I’m not letting you sleeping on the floor, so get in here.” He shook his head as he slowly laid down and shifted himself nearly to the edge of the bed.

  
Markus almost blushed at the thought that Simon was literally inviting him to bed to him, but shook his head to banish all thoughts of this kind. He really didn’t need to pop a boner in the middle of the night with Simon in his bed.

  
He slowly walked to the other side and sat down, then he clapped two times and the lights went off, leaving both of the men in the dark. Markus slowly laid down on the other side of the bed, Simon already took the blanket, so he reached down and pulled out another one from beneath the bed. He covered himself in the soft fabric and quietly hummed.

“ _Night, Simon_.” He muttered quietly.

“ _You too, Markus_.” The blonde let out even quieter.

After that, the whole room swallowed the silence and quiet breaths of both men. They were both on their sides, but either one was facing the other way. It was quiet for a while, but Markus just couldn’t sleep.

_  
Not when Simon was there._

“ _Markus?_ ” Almost like he could sense the man thinking about him, the blonde’s quiet voice broke the silence.

Markus just hummed in response.

“I’m cold.” He let out even quieter than before.

Markus took in a long breath, gathering the courage for the thing he was about to do.

He slowly turned around and even more slowly wrapped his warm arms around Simon’s cold torso. He could feel Simon jump a bit, but he stayed in his arms, slowly and weakly pushing back, so his back was now flushed against Markus’ chest. Markus took in a long shaky breath, knowing damn well, how much this meant. It meant that Simon trusted him enough to let him touch him like this. Letting him embrace him whole, keeping him safe and at the same time oh so vulnerable. He closed his eyes tightly and carved these moments into his mind like in marble, for the second time this evening. It was almost like destiny. To meet Simon at the party they _both_ didn’t plan to attend.

  
Simon was damn gracious that he had his back turned to Markus, because the moment his arms touched him, tears found their way to his eyes. He closed them tightly, not letting any of them escape. He savoured these moments like they were his last. The blonde’s breathstuttered as he realized that even if those moments were his last, _he wouldn’t change a thing._

  
And like that, they both fell asleep. Markus giving his body heat to Simon, who was gladly taking it.  
  


* * *

  
When the first beams of the sun peaked through the blinds and illuminated the room with golden warmth, the blue eyes of the blonde slowly opened, but he immediately closed them, because even the slightest amount of brightness felt like thousands of little needles in his skull.

  
He let out a quiet sigh as he slowly got up, rubbing his eyes and yawning. He slowly looked out of the window next to the bed to the streets below.

  
_Wait._

  
He didn’t have a window next to his bed.

  
His breath quickened and he immediately shot a gaze to the room he was in. This wasn’t his room and this wasn’t his bed. Simon’s gaze ended up on the sheets and the person lying next to him.

  
**_MARKUS?_ **

  
Simon immediately got up and took in a deep shaky breath. _How the hell did he end up here_? His head hurt so much and he remembered only shards from yesterday evening.

  
_Some guy almost crashing into him in the bathrooms. Sneaking out on the balcony because of Gavin. Markus holding his hands to warm them. Dance Off and the tall guy. Breathing out smoke into Markus’ face. The bus driver taking off without him. And Markus’ dorm._

_  
Oh god._ What did he get himself into...? Did they sleep with each other? He hoped they didn’t.

  
He took in another shaky breath before collecting his thoughts. This was dangerous. _And dumb_. He never should have let him get this close to him. _This was a mistake. A great mistake._

  
Simon quickly collected his things in the room and changed his pants. Then he neatly folded the sweats as he ruffled out his hair, trying to get them in shape. He took in a long breath, before looking at sleeping Markus one more time.

  
A thought appeared into his head and before his mind could rip it apart and stomp it into the ground, his heart acted. He swiftly walked across the room to the bed and the man. He took another deep shaky breath, before leaning close to him and kissing his temple goodbye.

  
This was a huge mistake that he made and now he was digging himself more and more into the mud.

  
_I’m so sorry, Markus._

  
He walked back to the doors, shooting one last gaze to the sleeping man.

  
“ _Goodbye, Markus._ ” Simon let out quietly, before stepping out of the doors, closing them behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUUUU, this was something.. honestly i wrote last third yesterday in one go, which is kinda just wow... 
> 
> What are we thinking? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Simon and Markus sharing one bed? don't mind if i do ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). 
> 
> Also simon is pure baby with abadonment issues, you cant blame him :<
> 
> Take care! <3


	7. I'm so terribly sorry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! sorry that this took so long, but the theme of this chapter wasn't the easiest to write about, so content warning for that.  
> Also! @achlorine done some beautiful artworks for this chapter, so search for hyperlinks! thank you so much <<<333

Markus slowly opened his eyes, when he heard the sharp ringing noise coming from the phone on his nightstand. He groaned as he slowly turned around and still almost blinded by the sun he pressed the alarm off. Whose idea was this? Having the alarm set to the day after drinking? Oh right, his. 

The man groaned again as he turned back to his comfortable spot, laying slowly his arm on Simon’s side again. 

But his hand reached into nothingness.

Markus sharply opened his eyes only to see an empty spot in the place beside him. He felt how a sharp stab hit his heart. Had he dreamed it all? No. His memories of yesterday were too vivid for that. He saw a small pile of folded clothes on his chair across the room, the clothes that he had let Simon borrow yesterday. 

Another painful stab in his chest. The man thickly swallowed as he closed his eyes and buried his nose in the pillow on the side of the bed that Simon was previously sleeping on. It still smelled like him. Just plain soap and the tiniest hint of honey and cinnamon. Was this how Simon smelled all the time? Yesterday he was too drunk to actually notice and now he was cursing himself for it. 

He slowly let go of the pillow that was now in his tight embrace and sat up on the edge of his bed. Then, Markus rubbed his eyes and looked around the room, searching for at least a note, or something. Anything. 

But his search was unsuccessful. The only thing that was out of the ordinary was the small pile of folded clothing. He let out a quiet sigh and reached back for his phone. He had one missed call from Connor, but he will deal with it later. Now the only thing on his mind was Simon. 

He unlocked the phone and searched his contacts. 

_ Simon _

_**‘’CALL’**_ ’

_**‘’MESSAGE’’** _

His finger lingered upon the Call button for a few seconds, but then he changed his mind and pressed the Message one. He let out a quiet breath as he thought about the content of his text. He didn’t want to seem like a helicopter, but he wanted to make sure that Simon got safely home and that he was, and still is, okay.

_“I hope that you got home safely, I’m sorry that I couldn’t walk you. - Markus.”_

He sighed as he read it one more time, brief and straight to the point. And the most important part; it didn’t seem like Markus couldn’t think of anything else, other than Simon’s safety. 

He hit _**SEND**_ before he could overthink it more and slowly got up. 

The rest of his day was uneventful, he spent it mostly in bed, watching some YouTube videos. Connor came over for a few minutes too, only to apologize for his sudden leave again. Markus just shook his head and dismissed any of his words. 

He knew how hard Mr. Anderson had it. Ever since the death of his wife, Connor and Richard took care of him and made sure that he won’t fall into any old habits including alcoholism or any activities that could potentially hurt him. So when yesterday Connor suddenly left, he didn’t feel any kind of remorse. 

When Connor left, Markus’ gaze ended up on the phone. He was silently checking the phone every few minutes the whole day if Simon answered or not and at this point, he was starting to get really worried. 

He sighed when he unlocked the phone and saw that the message was still unopened and unread. 

“Simon...” He sighed again as he started writing down another text message. 

_Markus_

_17:53_

_Hi, it’s Markus again. I’m starting to get worried... Did you get home safely?_

_✓_

He put down the phone, but then grabbed it again, taping out another message.

_Markus_

_17:53_

_Please, just let me know if you’re okay._

_✓_

But all that Markus was left with for the next several days was radio silence from Simon. 

As soon as Simon stepped onto the bus that took him home that Saturday morning, his mind started to flood with memories and thoughts from and about yesterday's evening. What the hell was happening? Why was Markus so kind to him? Was he just being nice and didn’t want to tell him off? Probably. 

Simon shivered when he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He slowly took it out and slid the notifications down, he saw the message from an unknown number, but quickly got the idea who it was. He sighed as he shoved the phone back in his pants. He’ll deal with it when he gets home, right now, his mind was preoccupied with things that happened yesterday. 

Did Markus really hug him when they were going to sleep? One part of his brain wished that he only imagined it, but the other one wished that he could feel it again. He tightened his grip on the railing inside of the bus as that thought made thousands of butterflies take off in his stomach. He could feel how his heart was slowly falling for Markus.

It was this wish to see him smile, to hear him laugh, to feel his tight embrace once again. It wasn’t just sudden impulsive thoughts that his brain produced only because Markus was acting like a fucking decent human being to Simon, which was a luxury that Simon didn’t get often from other people.

But maybe he was overthinking it, maybe he read his kind gestures wrong, maybe he hugged him only because he didn’t have any other blanket, that could help him with the cold. The thought of Markus' body flushed with his, made his breath hitch in his throat and his heart skip a beat.

_Markus... What are you doing to me..._

When Simon got home, he could hear an argument as soon as he stepped over the threshold. Dad was yelling at Daniel again, who was yelling back. But it was too early in the morning for Simon to deal with that. He just slowly walked the stairs up and got into his room. 

Simon slowly sat down and yawned. He searched his backpack and he felt how a shiver went through his whole body when he discovered the red Jersey that Markus gave him yesterday. He swallowed as he slowly took it out and buried his nose in the soft fabric, inhaling Markus’ smell. He stayed like this for a few seconds, letting the smell fill his mind and letting his mind replay how Markus’ hands around his torso felt. 

He let out a quiet breath as he lowered the jacket and carefully folded it. He swallowed again. This is going to be a mess. He should call Markus and tell him that he has his coat, he should apologize for leaving without a word. But Simon did none of that, instead, he ignored Markus’ texts the best he could, because what happened yesterday scared him. 

At this point, he knew there was something in him that yearned for him, but he knew that he couldn’t have that kind of luxury. He was hurt too many times to even try again. It was better this way. Markus will forget about him in a few days or months and stay happy with the person that he had on his phone wallpaper. Simon will push out any memories of him and finishes Uni, then he’ll be free to do anything he wants. 

But what did he even want after his stay at Uni ends? Find a job, manage to save enough money, and move out? Maybe that was the best thing that he could do. He could get out of Michigan and maybe try his luck in IT fields in Canada. Sure, it was selfish, wanting to leave everything and everyone behind, but he needed to start with a clean slate. Without any expectations or dark past, without anything that people could use against him. 

Simon sighed as he sat down on his bed. He didn’t do much that day, but there was nothing to do on that Saturday. Sure, he helped around the house and did his homework but that was about it. 

Markus even tried to call one time and that made the phone fall out of Simon’s hand and on the floor, screen shattering in a corner, but he didn’t care. He felt almost like under surveillance, but deep inside he knew that Markus didn’t mean any harm. But the blonde just couldn’t bring himself to pick up the phone and even just see the messages, let alone answer them, or call Markus back. 

Simon continued in ignoring Markus‘ occasional texts for the next several days, every day hoping that he wouldn’t run into him in the halls by accident, or that he wouldn’t show up on his doorstep by some miracle. Two weeks ran by like a flash and the mood in the Philips household thickened every day more and more. Arguments with Daniel were now almost daily occasions and Simon’s heart ached because of it, but he knew that how many times he tried to talk some sense into him, or even stand up for him, it was always the same. 

Daniel did or didn’t do something, parents got mad, Daniel got mad and then it just went downhill. Ever since winter 2032, their family hasn’t been the same. And now as the time of the terrible anniversary was getting closer and closer, their fights have been worse than usual. At one point Daniel even slammed the doors so hard that the glass inside of them shattered on the floor. 

This all was slowly adding up to Simon’s frustration. His own consciousness screaming at him for being selfish for ignoring Markus calls, his parent being irritated for two weeks straight, to the point, that he couldn’t do anything without them finding something to be mad about, North was out of reach, because she needed to spend some time outside of Detroit, so she couldn’t save him from home this time. 

All of these emotions, regret, guilt, frustration, were swarming inside of Simon’s head as he walked down the stairs to the small podium in the middle of his philosophy class. 

“As you all know, last week I told you to prepare a text themed ‘[ _Talking to myself_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lx6-d4GQpPo)’, I hope that Simon here is not the only one who actually prepared, so I won’t have to write letters to your parents.” Kamski’s strong voice resonated through the big lecture room as Simon slowly stopped few steps from him, that guy always was a bit off, and honestly, it kinda scared him.

“Start when you’re ready, Simon.” The black-haired man said as he walked back to his desk, sitting on its edge. 

Simon took a quick deep breath as he tightened the grip on his paper, before shifting his gaze through the room.

“ _One day you opened your eyes,_ ” He shifted the weight on his feet. “ _Inside of you, inside a world, inside a universe you didn’t get to choose._ ” Simon took a slow deep breath as he continued. “ _You didn't get to pick the rules or pick the past or set the pace, or cast the cast and crew you didn't get to pick your starting place._ ” 

The blonde’s gaze was glazing across the students to see their reaction, but he couldn’t recognize any particular emotions. 

“ _And though it was a race you didn't understand,_

 _you simply lined up on the blocks and when the pistol popped you ran._ ”

He saw a familiar face in the crowd but quickly lost it. He tried to clear his mind and continued.

“ _And when you tripped and dropped you picked yourself up off the ground,_

 _and picked your scabs you knew you had to pick a plan to end what you began._ ”

His voice got a bit stronger as the little confidence that he had inside him prevailed.

“ _As you got older there were days of cold surrender,_

 _days of shrugged whatevers folded in with days of shocking splendor._ ”

His eyes started to comb through the students one more time, who the hell did he see before? He needed to find them.

“ _But as time advanced the lovely days were covered up from view_

 _By an advancing melancholy haze that hovered near the dew._ ”

His brows furrowed as he clenched the paper in his pale hands, his gaze stopped at one man sitting far back on the right as he tried to focus his vision.

“ _Yet there were moments. There were these pure arresting moments when you stepped outside your head._ ” Through his mind flashed the memories from two weeks ago, getting drunk and doing stupid things. 

“ _Outside your pain, outside control,”_ the dusky hands in his, warm as a sun. _“Outside the bullshit, out of body, out of rage._ ” Warm and strong arms on his waist with thumbs caressing his skin through the fabric on his shirt-

Simon almost visibly jumped when he finally managed to get a clear view of the guy that he was watching before, a wave of cold sweat on his back made him shiver. Those two eyes he could identify anytime. 

_Markus._

The man that made him feel so much.

“ _Outside the need to get it. Get it?_ ” Their eyes met. Now he was sure of it. Simon saw Markus’ heterochromatic eyes and Markus saw his soul. “ _You will never get it!_ ” He didn’t know if that was more aimed at him, or it was just a part of the paper in his hand. “ _That's okay._ ” Simon broke eye contact as his speech ended. 

He looked anxiously around and to Mr. Kamski for his and the class's reaction. He was expecting to laugh and point fingers, but instead, he got a nod and a genuine smile from the black-haired man. 

“Well done, Simon. You’ve met all of the criteria. You got an A.” 

Simon just nodded, he would actually appreciate his words if his heart didn’t pace like mad, right now. His mind flooded with so much guilt that was building inside of him for the last two weeks. He needed to get out. Somehow get out of this situation and from Markus. 

He quickly walked to the man that was still sitting on the desk. “Mr. Kamski... Could I excuse myself from the rest of the class? I’m- I’m not feeling too well.” He let out quietly, trying to sound as sincere as possible. 

Kamski measured him with his cold gaze, before nodding. “I don’t see why not. You can go.” 

Simon just gratefully nodded, before making his way back to his seat and grabbing his backpack, as well as the rest of his things. His fingers were shaking, but that didn’t matter now. He needed to get out of Markus’ reach as soon as possible.

He made his way up the stairs and through the door, only to notice that Markus stood up too and was now on his heels. Simon tried to seem like he didn’t notice him, so he just sped up his pace and didn’t look back. 

“ _Simon._ ” The firm voice of the man almost made the blonde’s knees weak, but he just clenched his jaw as he continued down the hall. 

More loud and quicker footsteps could be heard as Markus sped up his pace to catch up with the blonde. Simon’s breaths became quick and shallow with every step that was heard closer to him. 

“M-Markus, no.” That was all that he was able to quietly let out before he felt a firm grasp on his wrist that made him stop in his tracks. 

“Hey!” Markus' husky voice ringed and echoed through the big hall. “[Simon, stop!](https://achlorine.tumblr.com/post/643674962114330624/grades-are-nice-but-you-are-nicer-chapter-1)” He tightened the grip as the blonde tried to continue walking. 

“Let me go!” Simon’s voice resonated in the hall as he sharply turned around, snatching his arm back from Markus’ reach. 

Their eyes met as the blonde pulled his books on his chest closer to him, squeezing them to release some of the feelings from his mind, successfully. 

“Please.” The man’s almost desperate-sounding voice carved itself in Simon’s mind. “Don’t leave me again, Simon.” There was a hint of hopelessness that Markus tried to so desperately hide, but it was too strong. “Don’t leave.”

He couldn’t lose Simon again. His heart ached every day he didn’t know what happened to him or if he was okay. He never got any confirmation that he safely got home, apart from that one time, when Simon opened his texts. Something changed in him in the past two weeks. The only thing on his mind was Simon and his safety. He couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, or couldn’t focus on his schoolwork. 

All of his emotions that he was holding in for the past days were being poured into the words. 

“ _Please._ ” 

Their eyes met again. Pale summer sky with spring meadows and ocean shores. And even though Markus didn’t say a word after that, his gaze said more than any words ever could. 

Simon’s lower lip trembled as he took in a shaky breath. Suddenly everything around him didn’t matter anymore. The only thing and only one, who did, was Markus. His pleading eyes and voice full of remorse. The blonde felt how his heart skipped a beat in a sharp stab when he realized that. His gaze turned to the floor as he felt his knees weaken.

“I’m sorry...” He let out so quietly that he wasn’t even sure if Markus heard it. His vision was suddenly blurred by tears that started forming in the edges of his eyes. He closed them before they could escape, but it was futile. He felt them sliding down his face as he took in another long breath. 

“ _I’m so terribly sorry._ ”

Markus’ brows furrowed with emotions as he slowly took one step closer to the blonde. He was still worried that he would just turn around and run from him. He wanted to pull him into a tight embrace and ensure that he would never have left him again. But he knew that it would do more harm than good at this moment, so he only clenched his jaw as he took another step. 

“Oh, Simon…” He sighed as he looked at the blonde. He slowly shook his head. “I was.. worried about you.” He finally let out as he managed to get enough confidence and strength in his voice to say it. 

Simon couldn’t do anything but nod as he thickly swallowed, his fingers found their way to the hem of his shirt, fiddling with it to keep them occupied. The guilt was eating him from the inside at this point, leaving him wordless. He took a slow shaky breath as he dared to lift his gaze from the floor to Markus. 

“I’m-” Simon tried to start, but his voice betrayed him, cracking after the first word and taking any last bit of confidence he had. 

He expected Markus to laugh and point finger at the coward that he is, but the man did none of that. Instead, a light smile drifted across his lips as he shook his head again.

“It’s okay,” Markus' eyes were like mirrors to his soul and at this moment, he couldn't see any mark of anger or displease. “Everything is forgiven.” He couldn’t be mad at Simon, especially not now, with his eyes full of tears of shame and remorse. “Just…” He looked at the floor, before flicking his gaze back to Simon. “Don’t do it to me again… I was so worried.” 

Simon nodded again as he tugged at the fabric of his shirt, trying to find the right words, but they never came. 

“It’s okay,” Markus repeated, nodding to reassure Simon of his words. “Here.” He searched his pockets and pulled out a small pack of tissues, handing it over to Simon. 

A light smile drifted across the blonde's lips as he gratefully took it and pulled one tissue out, wiping his cheeks and under eyes dry. 

“Thank you.” He nodded, taking another deep breath in, he was pretty much calm and relieved at this point, but this situation was still borderline uncomfortable for him.

“So… Um- you still owe me going to the bar with me from two weeks ago, though.” Markus cleared his throat as he tried to lighten the gloomy mood that was lurking in the hall.

Simon looked at him and actually chuckled. “Yeah… I guess you’re right about that…” He swallowed the thick feeling in his throat as he nodded. “I think I’m free this afternoon.”

That answer stole the words from Markus‘ tongue. He expected Simon to just laugh it off and politely decline, but he actually accepted. The man nodded and looked at the blonde.

“Don’t you dare to ghost me again.” 

“I won’t.”

* * *

As soon as Simon laid his foot inside the doorframe of the house, he could feel how the air got dense and hostile. He could hear the muffled argument between his parents and Daniel coming from the kitchen. It felt almost like a tradition now. An awful tradition that he hated to his core. 

He could hear a loud thud of something being put at the counter, followed by a quick ruffling of plastic. Simon hung his jacket on the hanger and took off his shoes as he walked into the lion’s den. 

Daniel was leaning against the table, his breathing quick and heaving. He was looking worse than usual. His hair was a mess, his skin pale and eyes sunken deep with dark circles under them. 

“What’s your problem… _John.”_ He started to call their parents by their name a few days ago and didn’t seem like he would have stopped any time soon. 

“ _You’re_ the problem here, Daniel!” Their mother shouted across the kitchen, continuing to put groceries into the cupboard. “You’re always the problem.” She added as she turned to him. 

“Oh, wouldn’t you know, Caroline,” Daniel muttered under his breath as he shook his head, standing up.

“What the hell is wrong with you?!” Simon heard the voice of their father coming from the living room, but shortly afterward he appeared in the kitchen.

Daniel snapped his head to face him, he took in a sharp breath. 

“Too much!” He almost screamed at him, but then made a step back, and then another. He shook his head as he slowly backed out of the kitchen. “Too much is wrong with me.” 

Daniel took another step back as he was turning around, but almost crashed into Simon, but all that Daniel did was shoot a quick glance his way, before nailing his gaze to the floor and escaping to his room upstairs. 

But all that Simon could do was look up to his parents and shake his head in disbelief and dishearten. It was breaking his heart. He turned around and followed his brother's steps, stopping at his doors. 

The blonde took in a quick breath as he knocked on it, but he wasn’t sure if he would have even opened it at all. 

“Dan…“ He let out weakly as he rested his forehead on the hardwood. “Please let me in. I want to help you, but I can't do that if you won’t let me…” 

Simon was ready to sigh and give up, but the quiet click of the doorknob surprised him. He took a step back and watched the door open just enough to see Daniel peeking out of the cranny.

“What do you want?” Daniel let out. His voice was harsh and coarse, it sounded almost like he had been screaming for hours. 

Simon looked at his brother and sighed. “I want to help you…” 

“Yeah, you already said that.” Daniel snickered sarcastically as he took a step back, letting Simon enter. 

“What's wrong, Dan?” Simon sighed again as he walked to the window and leaned against the frame. 

Daniel took in a breath before walking to his bed and sitting on it. 

“I’m what’s wrong.” He rested his forehead on his knees, hugging them. “And there is nothing I can do about it.” He shook his head as he switched positions again, standing up and pacing from one end of the room to another. “If- if I’m not hurting myself, I’m hurting everyone around me.” He looked up to his brother as his brows furrowed in an almost hopeless expression. “And there is nothing I can do about it.” 

Simon turned around as he looked at his brother. “Don’t say it like that… It’s not true.” 

Daniel looked back at him, a smile drifting across his lips. “Oh, Si... “ He shook his head as he walked to the door. “You and your attempts to hold this family together…” The blonde chuckled lightly as he took the doorknob into his hand. “Please take care of _mom_.” With those words he left the room, leaving the other twin in it alone.

Simon sighed as he lowered his head, shaking it. “You break my heart, Dan…” 

* * *

Daniel didn’t show up for the rest of the evening, but no one ever expected him to. The atmosphere in the house started to slowly soothe down at this point and Simon was grateful for that. He ate his meal in the kitchen, his parents were already asleep at this point, even though it wasn’t too late.

He gazed out of the window at the pavement across the road and at the street lamp. Its flickering light attracted moths that were hitting it over and over again. Simon looked around the empty kitchen and sighed. The whole house felt dead and withered. Something was missing here. She was missing here. 

He shook his head as he tried to stop his mind from wandering, clenching his jaw and pushing the rest of the meal aside. He couldn’t go out with Markus like this. So he stood up, shoving the half-eaten food inside of the fridge, and walked to the hall. He sighed as he put on a jacket and shoes. He needed to clean his head and quick smoke during a short walk never hurt anyone. 

He quickly got out, walking on the empty street under the bright led lights. He took out a pack of cigarettes, his last one. Those last two weeks took a hot chance on his lungs. He stuck one of the cigs between his lips, as he searched his pockets for a lighter. He quickly found it and lit the deadly stick, blocking the wind with one hand so it wouldn’t put out. 

The blonde took a deep breath and let the smoke fill his lungs. He was feeling less anxious already, but the nerves were still getting to him. He had no idea what he should expect from today’s night, but he didn’t even have enough courage to think about it. 

He searched his pockets again, this time for his phone. He pulled it out and unlocked it, then he pressed the blue **_CONTACTS_ ** icon. He scrolled down, trying to find Markus’ number, but when his eyes hovered over the contact _Dan_ , he stopped scrolling. 

He suddenly felt very guilty. His brother is God knows where doing God knows what and he wants to go out with Markus? He sighed as this reminded him of himself two weeks ago. Disappearing without a word and leaving people puzzled. _Guess this runs in the family._

He sighed as he stomped the cigarette into the ground. It wasn’t even near to being smoked, but the cravings were the last thing he thought about now. Simon took a slow breath as he pressed **_CALL._ **

He put the phone to his ear as he continued walking. One beep, two beeps, three… On the fifth one, he nearly ended the call, but his action was interrupted by Daniel picking up. 

“Hello?” Daniel sounded… distant. Almost like he was behind some glass. There was some background noise too, but Simon couldn’t put his hands on it. 

“Hi, Dan…” Simon let out as he stuck the free hand in his jacket. “Are you okay?” 

Simon heard how Daniel sighed and hesitated with his next words. “No, not really.” 

The blonde thickly swallowed as his insides uncomfortably squeezed. “We can talk if you want.” He felt how few raindrops fell on his neck. “I’m here for you.” 

“No, it’s okay. I’m better off alone.” 

Simon heard how Daniel lowered the phone. His heart skipped a beat as he tightened the grip on his phone. “Wait, don’t hang up! Okay? Don’t go anywhere.”

There was an uncomfortable silence for a few next seconds, before Daniel broke it with a quiet, “why?”

Simon’s brows furrowed in an almost painful expression. “Because I care.” 

There was more silence, before Daniel's voice came back, this time with more strength and sharpness. “Why do you care what I do anyway? I don’t even count, right?” 

Before Simon could even answer, his twin snapped at him again. 

“I could disappear _forever_ and it wouldn’t make _any_ difference!”

“D-Daniel that’s not true-” Simon stuttered his words in the sudden change of tone. “I-”

Daniel interrupted him again. “Don’t you ever, **_ever_ ** compare yourself to me. Okay? You’ve got everything. And I got shit.” He let out frustratedly as the background noise was higher in volume for a few seconds, there was some lady talking, but Simon couldn’t understand her.

They both were quiet for the next seconds, Simon heard as his brother took in deep breaths, probably to calm himself down. He clenched his jaw as he tried to hush away tears that were pushing into the corners of his eyes. 

“Dan- Dan, I understand how you feel, it’s-” He tried to start, but his twin interrupted him for once more. 

“Simon, I would give anything that I have- or I’ll ever have, just to _feel_ something again.” The blonde heard a stuttered breath on the other end of the line. “I can’t feel anything… People think that pain is the worst feeling, but… It isn’t.”

Simon stared at the street lamp on the other side of the road and felt how a tear was streaming its way down his cheek. He tried to speak, but all that left his throat was a broken note. 

“How can anything be worse than this eternal emptiness inside of me?” Daniel asked a question that neither of the twins dared to answer. “I used to not eat for days, or eat like crazy and then stick my fingers down my throat, but-” he stopped for a moment to take another breath. “But now, no matter how much I binge _anything_ … Pills, alcohol, cigs… I can’t fill this hole in my chest, Simon.” 

Simon heard how his brother choked down a sob and at this point, he wasn’t even trying to hold back his tears that were now wetting his cheeks and sliding down on the collar of his turtleneck. 

“Dan, where are you now?” Simon managed to get out, he needed to see his brother. A heavy and uncomfortable feeling was now settled deep in his stomach, making his insides twist and tangle with fear. He was scared that Daniel was gonna do some stupid thing he might regret later. He needed to see him and make sure that he’s safe. 

But Daniel just ignored his question, continuing his words from before. 

“How do you manage to keep going like this, Simon? How- how do you manage to get up in the morning? Why isn’t your inner voice screaming at you that you don’t even deserve someone else looking at you? Why- why don’t you feel _any_ kind of remorse or guilt, regarding what happened to Emma?” 

Daniel’s breaths were quick and shallow, Simon heard them loud and clear, but he wasn’t doing much better. He managed to find a bench on a side of the pavement, so he sat on it and leaned against his knees, one hand still gripping the phone like it was the last thing in the world, and the other supporting him on his elbow. 

“But I get it… You know. It wasn't _your_ fault, after all.” 

Simon managed to get in a few shaky breaths as the tears blurring his vision slipped down his cheeks and fell on the concrete by his shoes. 

“I- I have my own ways of killing myself from the inside. Yours may be loud and physical, but just because I don’t destroy my surroundings in breakouts and isolate myself after it, it doesn’t mean that I don’t feel anything.”

“But you _don’t_ feel anything, Simon!” Daniel snapped again, but the majority of the harshness in his voice was gone, he sounded just tired and exhausted. “It’s clear as day, that-” 

“Daniel, you have _no_ idea how much I feel! I feel so much that if I let even the slightest part out, I-” This time it was Simon who choked on tears. “Can’t you see this? I’m just a shadow of the person who I used to be-! I push my feelings so deep down, that I pushed out even some parts of myself.” His lips trembled as the hot feeling inside of his chest spread to his arms and stomach. “But everybody in this damn family is so concentrated on themselves that no one noticed… _No one noticed at all._ ”

Daniel wanted to say something, but it only ended up being a sharp stuttered breath. 

“So who am I, really? I feel so different for past years, but no one, not mom or dad, _not even you_ , saw how much I changed. No one in that damn house noticed how I am only a ghost of the boy that I was before, before-” 

Simon’s voice stuttered as he tried to finish the sentence, but even the thought of it was too much for him. His shoulders shook as another almost overwhelming sob ran through his body. 

“I’m just a soulless machine executing a program and following moral orders that I don’t even care about.” He managed to almost spit out, he was feeling too much. _Too much._ He wanted to rip a hole in his chest and let all of the emotions spill on the cold concrete and grass. 

“I don’t allow myself to express anything, because if I let even the slightest thing-.. It would destroy me.”

Daniel spoke up again, his voice coarse but calm, but Simon felt how exhausted his brother was. 

“You’ll understand one day. One day when you’ll be standing in front of yourself with your own heart in your hands and a jagged wound from a pocket knife in your chest. Then you’ll finally understand that there is no way to hide from your feelings… One day they spill out and leave you empty for eternity.” The twin let out bitterly. 

The background noise picked up the volume again. Was he on a train? Maybe the new railway that Detroit built recently.

“There is… There’s something almost purging about this… The pain distracts me from my own thoughts and cleanses me…” 

Simon felt how another wave of suppressed sob shook with his whole body. 

“Daniel, whatever you’re thinking about, don't do it… Dan-” 

A quiet and exhausted chuckle came from the other side of the line, as well as the muffled voice of the lady like before. 

_“Next stop; Ferndale.”_

“I’ve had enough, Simon.” 

With that, the line went dead. Just a long dull tone that replaced the voice of his brother. A heartbreaking sob escaped Simon’s lungs as he clenched the phone in his hand and stared at it, waiting, begging for Daniel to call him back. But it never came. He tried it a few more times, but Daniel never answered. 

He was terrified for his brother and at this point he was sure that he was about to hurt himself. Simon took in another sequence of breaths to calm himself down. He needed a clear head for this. 

_Next stop; Ferndale._

_Ferndale?_

He hasn’t heard that name in a long time, but it immediately clicked.

It was the name of the stop close to the old house they used to go before-, before. He thought- No. He _knew_ . That Daniel is gonna be there. There was no other way. There _couldn't_ be any other way. He needed to get to him, and fast. 

* * *

Simon ran almost the whole path from the Ferndale station to the building. Hell, he ran it like lives depended on it, because they actually were, but his asthmatic lungs betrayed him halfway through. When he arrived at the wired railing, he felt like his whole chest was on fire, but he didn’t have time to worry about it. 

He quickly got through and continued his way between the dilapidated buildings, climbing on one with the help of an empty trashcan, and continuing deeper into the area. 

At the point when he climbed inside the building, he _needed_ to let himself breathe for a few seconds because he was sure that otherwise, he would pass out. As soon as his head stopped spinning, he unstuck himself from the wall he was leaned against and jogged through the worn-down building. Even though it was already night, the lights from the streets managed to get inside just enough light to navigate through. 

He knew where Daniel would be. Only one room in this godforsaken place was the one which they both knew inside and out. They actually started to renovate it at some point, bringing inside a pair of old sofa chairs and a couch. 

Simon quickly navigated through the building that was bringing waves of painful memories that flooded his mind, but he felt… Almost like home again. He saw the empty door frame that led into their room. The blonde forced himself to slow his pace and take in a few deep breaths, before stepping in. 

“Daniel?” Simon’s voice echoed through the empty and cold room as well as his footsteps. 

He slowly looked around. This place hasn’t changed even the slightest bit. The two chairs were there beside the couch like they left them there yesterday. Even the trampled blue paint on the floor from where Emma accidentally stepped in it. 

He saw Daniel sitting in the window frame, his back turned to him and his legs swinging in the empty space bellow him. Dangerously high. He didn’t even turn to him. He heard him chuckle. 

“So you found me… I honestly didn’t expect that.” He shook his head lightly as he watched neon car lights blinking at the road down there. 

Simon’s gaze flickered from the floor to Daniel and back. “How could I not find you… I’m your brother.” He let out quietly as he took one step forward. 

His brother chuckled again as he lowered his head. “Have you ever thought about how easy it is to take one step forward? How easy is it just to swallow, or to pull a finger?” His fingers caressed the old wood of the window frame, it didn’t have glass for years, but it only gave the room more personality. 

“Dan, please… Whatever you’re thinking about, don’t do it.” Simon took another step forward and it echoed through the room again. “Come back _home_.” 

At the word ‘ _home_ ’ Daniel turned around, resting his legs on the concrete floor, the lights were illuminating the sharp contours of his face as well as his wet cheeks. 

“At that house, you call home isn't a place for me.” He flicked his gaze to Simon as his shoulders shook. The blonde saw how more tears streamed down his brother's face. “I feel home here…- Simon, I-” Daniel choked down a sob. “I just want to see Emma again.” 

Simon felt a sharp stab in his chest at the name, again. 

“I _need_ to see her again.” 

“[Dan- don’t do this.](https://achlorine.tumblr.com/post/643466138815168512/more-illustrations-for-my-friends-au-aw-look)” Simon let out weakly. “I- I know that everything inside of you tells you that there is no coming back, but please, try it. This doesn’t have to be the end.” Simon felt how hot tears were wetting his cheeks, but he didn’t care about it now. 

“I’m done trying, Simon.” Daniel shook his head and swallowed heavily. “I can’t do it anymore.” 

Simon took in a deep stuttered breath. “If you can’t try for yourself anymore- try- try for me, please.” 

Daniel looked at his brother, he was exhausted and desperate, with nerves on the very edge. 

“You may hate yourself, Dan, but I love you more than anything.” A broken sob escaped Simon’s lips before he managed to suppress it. “You’re the only family that I have left.”

Daniel was quiet, but visibly shaking, he had to support himself with one hand on the window frame. 

“I already lost Emma, I can’t lose you too.” 

Simon started walking towards his twin. Only a few steps were between them. He was so close. 

“You- You can’t leave me now. Not after everything.” 

With those words in the air, Daniel collapsed on his knees on the hard floor and Simon quickly overcame the last bit of empty space between them as he fell on his knees and pulled his brother into a tight hug. 

Daniel broke down into a sobbing mess, holding desperately onto Simon’s jacket like it was the last thing holding him here. His breaths were shallow and stuttered. He was overwhelmed by everything and emotions poured from him. He was hyperventilating, clinging hopelessly to his brother who was hugging him back.

“It’s okay. I’m here. Everything is okay now.” Simon slowly caressed his brother's wet hair from the rain. “It’s okay. I just need you to calm down.”

“No, no, no I can’t.” Sobbed Daniel into his shoulder, his whole body was shaking and trembling. “I- I can’t, it hurts.” 

Simon pulled Daniel closer to him, stroking his hair. “It’s okay now, I promise.”

“It hurts so much, please make it stop.” Daniel sobbed again, he was in the middle of a bad breakdown at this moment. His heart was pounding inside of his ribcage so hard and fast he was afraid it would jump out. “ _J-just make it stop_ , it- it hurts so bad.” He choked on his own sobs and air. “ _It hurts so bad, I can’t breathe_.” 

Simon managed to pull away a little just to hold Dan’s head, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. “Dan, hey, hey look at me.” He whispered as Daniel slowly looked at him with misery and pain in his eyes. “That’s it, just breathe, okay? Breathe or you’ll pass out. Breathe with me, okay? Can you do that for me?” 

Daniel managed to nod as he closed his eyes, trying to calm his stuttering breaths and a racing heart. He breathed in tandem with his brother.

“It’s okay now.” Simon let out a relieved breath as he rested his chin on his brother's shoulder. “I promise, just breathe with me.” 

“I’m sorry-” the blonde squeezed the thick fabric of Simon’s jacket in his fists. “I’m so sorry, Simon, I- I can’t leave you alone, I’m so selfish, please forgive me.” He breathed out into the shoulder of his brother. “Please forgive me.” 

Simon caressed Daniel’s hair as he shook his head. “There is nothing that you should apologize for. It’s okay. You’re okay.” He slowly leaned back and looked at his brother. He had dark circles under his eyes and he was paler than ever. “I know that you probably don’t want to return to our house ever again, but we need to get you somewhere dry and warm, okay?”

Daniel swallowed as he looked down, his blonde eyelashes fluttering as well as the rest of his body. 

“Please, don’t tell John and mom about this.” He looked back at Simon, his eyes mirroring his quiet beg. “I can’t let mom know about this.”

“I won’t. I promise.” Nodded the man as he wiped the remaining tears from his brother's cheeks. “Just come back with me.” 

Daniel hesitated. He gazed through the room behind Simon. The old couch, chairs, even the coffee table that they once found on the street. And a bottle of strong painkillers next to the bottle of alcohol. He didn’t think about this ever before, but something just snapped in him today. He wanted to feel at home. No, he needed it. He wanted to see his sister again… He shook his head vigorously to hush the thoughts away before they could escalate further. He needed to be there for Simon. 

And that was the only thing that mattered now. 

Daniel nodded as he looked back on Simon. “I’ll go with you.” 

* * *

Both of the twins got home shortly afterward. Simon helped Daniel get warm by forcing him into the bathroom to take a hot shower and then giving him new warm and dry clothes. He sat him down on Daniel's bed and pulled a fleece blanket over his shoulders as well as handing him a big cup filled with hot cocoa. 

He sat on the bed beside him, adjusting the blanket over his brother's shoulders. 

“So…” He shifted himself a bit, leaning against his knees with his elbows. “Wanna talk about it?

Daniel looked up from the cup in his hands. “No... Not really.” He shook his head as he looked back on the small amount of tiny marshmallows floating on top. “I don’t.”

“Okay.” Simon nodded. “That’s okay.” 

The room was swallowed by silence for the next upcoming minutes before Daniel broke the quietness. 

“Simon?” 

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” 

With that, the room went quiet again. Just a noiseless sound of cars driving by the house. 

Daniel broke the silence again after a few minutes. 

“Can you just please… Leave me alone for today? I ca- I can’t-” His voice broke as he looked down. “I just need-”

Simon looked at him. “Hey, hey it’s okay.” He gently squeezed his shoulder as he got up. “It’s okay, just breathe.” 

Daniel nodded as his breath stuttered. 

“It’s okay, I’ll leave you alone if you want that.”

“T- Thank you.” 

Simon nodded as he gently squeezed his brother's shoulder. “I’ll be in my room if you’ll need me, okay?

“Okay.”

* * *

Simon didn’t sleep that night. He was awake and was checking up on Daniel every few hours. His brother fell asleep after approximately three hours since he left his room, but Simon’s conscience didn’t let him sleep even after that. Anything could happen at any time and he couldn’t allow that. 

He was sitting on his bed until the first morning sun rays peeked through his window, illuminating the wooden furniture in the quiet room. He didn’t feel particularly tired, just.. drained. But there was no space for that now.

He got up and quietly walked through his room and the hall to the doors that led to Daniel’s room. The man slowly peeked through the cranny between the doors and door frame. He could see his brother wrapped in his blanket, sleeping peacefully, his curtains rolled down as always. 

Simon let out a soft sigh as a wave of gratefulness flooded his mind. He just now realized how terrified he was of finding the bed empty. Or finding his brother lifeless on the floor. 

He felt how tears forced themselves into corners of his eyes and he forcibly blinked them away.

It was okay. Daniel was okay.

_Not everything was okay._

But Simon didn’t have time or right to think about that right now. 

Right now he needed to be there for his brother. 

Simon continued with his morning. He took a quick refreshing shower, changed his clothes, and ate his breakfast. Scrambled eggs, as always. It was one of the easier variations of his morning meals, he had to listen to his gluten-intolerant stomach. 

He brushed his teeth and checked on Daniel for the last time. He was in the same position as before, motionless, just breaths moving with his chest. Simon took a deep breath as he closed the door, walking down the stairs, and catching his bus to Uni.

He got through his day as usual. He got to all of his lectures, tried to get past Gavin and Allen without them noticing, just his usual day. 

Or better, it was going as usual. 

_Until he almost crashed into Markus in the campus garden that was behind the buildings._

Simon kept his gaze lowered as he felt how his shoulder brushed against somebody else’s. 

“Apologies.” Muttered the blonde as he tightened the grip on the strap that held his backpack on his shoulder. He didn’t even stop and look, right now, it was the last thing that was on his mind.

He heard how the footsteps on his side stopped and how gravel ground against the soils of the shoes when the person turned around. 

“Simon?” 

The blonde’s body shook with shivers when he heard Markus’ voice ringing through his ears. 

_Oh no._

Simon clenched his jaw and stopped in his tracks. 

“Simon, are you going to tell me why you ghosted me yesterday? Or are you going to run away like before? Like always?”

The blonde slowly turned around and shook his head. “Something.. got in the way.”

Markus snickered as he shook his head. “And did that ‘something’ refrained you from calling me or sending even a damn text?”

Simon looked down, his brows furrowed and his heart beating fast against his ribcage. 

The man sighed as he rubbed his face with one hand. “Look, Simon, I’m not angry, okay? I’m just-” He sighed again. “Sad... Sad that I’m not worth even a damn text and that you just let me sit and wait for you for hours.”

“Mar-” Simon started, but his breath hitched in his throat.

Markus shook his head almost in disappointment. “You need to choose. [Simon, if you don’t want me around you, just fucking say it, okay?](https://achlorine.tumblr.com/post/643670354016059392/another-scene-from-my-friends-au-0)” He stared on the dusty path under his shoes, the words definitely came out harsher than he anticipated, but now it was too late to change it. 

Something cracked in Simon. He had been on the edge of his nerves for the whole day, but the way Markus said that sentence made his frustration pour out from his gut, flooding his mind. 

“Well, then I’m sorry, that I forgot to call you when I was saving my brother from _killing_ himself!” Snapped the blonde and the dusky man took a surprised step back.

**_Oh._ **

The blonde took a step back as well, covering his mouth with one hand. Everything in his mind was screaming at him to turn around and run, but his feet were stuck to the path underneath them.

He could see how Markus’ chest shook when he took a breath in. “Simon, I-”

But the man quickly interrupted him, frantically shaking his head. “No, it’s-, I’ll-” The man tried to get out a coherent sentence, but his brain was stagning. “I’ll go now-” He looked around, pointing behind him with his pale shaky thumb. 

“Simon, no.” Markus shook his head, his brows furrowed. “Stay here.”

Something in his voice made the blonde actually stop from turning around. 

“No, I’m better on my own, I- I should go.” 

“Simon, you can’t face that alone, don’t you get it?” Markus shook his head again, reaching out to the man with one hand.

“I don’t need your help, okay? Leave me alone!” Simon let out frustratedly, his nerves were on the edge again and he needed to get out of there as soon as possible. He didn’t like the tense atmosphere that his slipped-up words created. 

But Markus did none of that. Instead, he took a quick step forward, catching and pulling on Simon’s wrist, effectively pulling him into a tight hug that punched out every last speck of breath that the blonde had in his lungs. 

The last hint of frustration left Simon’s mind as he tried to resist Markus' tight embrace for the last time, grabbing his shoulders while trying to push him away. But not only was Markus stronger than him, but Simon also didn’t even try that much, to begin with. 

“[Hey](https://achlorine.tumblr.com/post/643321471874236416/i-illustrated-a-scene-for-my-friends-fanfic-its), ” Markus gently wrapped one of his arms around Simon’s waist, while the other one slowly moved to his hair, carefully caressing it. “It’s okay.” 

Simon’s eyes widened in surprise as he was pulled closer to the warm body of the man, his breath hitching in his throat. He clenched his fists as he felt how hot tears started to form in the corners of his eyes. 

“Everything is okay.” Whispered Markus as he felt Simon shake, carefully caressing his soft hair. 

Simon started to shake even more, as he felt how his inner wall started to break apart, he slowly rested his forehead against Markus’ shoulder. 

“Everything is _not_ okay.” He let out quietly as he pushed closer to the warm body. 

“I can feel the fear that you carry around.” Markus slowly tangled his fingers into the golden hair. “And- And I wish that there was something I could help you to let go of it, because..” He stopped for a few seconds, trying to formulate his words. “Because I don’t want you to feel so alone anymore. I know that you’re afraid, even if you’ve learned to hide it…” 

Simon felt how the tears that were forming in his eyes spilled over and slid down his cheeks, soaking into Markus’ dark blue hoodie. He suppressed a sob that shook with his whole body. Markus must've definitely felt that and that knowledge made his insides tangle. 

“I get it… You’re just protecting yourself with that wall you put up.” Markus felt how Simon hugged him tighter and how his whole body shook again. 

“The- There is nothing wrong with being cautious..” The blonde let out quietly. 

Simon pushed his nose slowly into the crook of the man’s neck, inhaling his scent that sent his mind straight to the land of fog. He just now realized how much he was touch starved and how much he was craving for this. Finally being so close to him. _Finally feeling safe._

“Oh true.” Markus nodded, carefully caressing the blonde's back. “But that wall of yours… It may keep out the pain and fear, but it also may keep out _love._ ” He nearly mumbled the last word as he leaned his forehead against Simon’s temple. 

At this point, Simon broke down into sobs and shaky breaths. “I don’t- I don’t know what to do anymore- I-” His voice broke before he could finish another sentence. 

He felt how his knees started going weak and how Markus immediately tightened his hug to support him.

“It’s okay.” Whispered the man softly as he held the blonde’s waist. “I’m here, it’s okay. Just let it out.” 

Simon sobbed again. Every last bit of emotion that was bottled up in him for past years. “I- I lost too many people, I- I can’t lose him too. I can’t-” His voice broke as he desperately clung to Markus.

“Do you… remember how I told you about my brother Leo? He was pretty deep in shit, but then he got therapy and he did much better. Maybe… maybe it could help your brother too.” He softly caressed the blonde hair as he looked at him. 

“Do you think so?” Simon took a deep breath as he looked up at him, their faces were maybe a little bit too close… Just one quick motion and he could- The man forced the thought out of his head as he leaned his forehead against Markus’ shoulder again. 

“It’s always worth a try.” 

Simon felt how the man pressed a quick reassuring kiss into his hair and how butterflies took off in his stomach. He slowly wiped the rest of the tears from his cheeks. 

“T-Thank you, Markus. I’ll- I’ll try to get him professional help...” 

Markus just nodded in agreement, smiling lightly as he slowly loosened the tight embrace that he was previously holding Simon in. 

Simon stepped back and lowered his gaze to the floor, his emotion overcame him and now he probably looked like a huge crybaby. 

“I’m sorry for ghosting you yesterday.” He furrowed his brows apologizingly as he shifted few little rocks with the tip of his shoe.

The man before him just shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize, you’ve had your reasons and I had no right to snap on you. I should be one who should apologize, so… I’m sorry.”

The blonde smiled slightly and looked up. “It’s okay, really. Apology accepted… I’ll try to talk some sense into Daniel today and help him find help.” 

The men parted their ways shortly afterwards. Markus didn’t ask Simon for another ‘date’ anymore, maybe he lost hope, maybe he didn’t see it as appropriate. 

Little did both of the men know that their emotional conversation saw one certain brown haired boy who was on his way to see Markus after his lectures ended. 

He smiled bitterly as he felt one tear spill from his left brown eye. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a rollercoaster-- i hope you liked it and here are all links for artworks thorough the chapter, so check them out! 
> 
> im so terribly sorry - https://achlorine.tumblr.com/post/643674962114330624/grades-are-nice-but-you-are-nicer-chapter-1
> 
> youre the only family that i have left - https://achlorine.tumblr.com/post/643466138815168512/more-illustrations-for-my-friends-au-aw-look
> 
> Oh. - https://achlorine.tumblr.com/post/643670354016059392/another-scene-from-my-friends-au-0
> 
> It's okay - https://achlorine.tumblr.com/post/643321471874236416/i-illustrated-a-scene-for-my-friends-fanfic-its
> 
> thank you for your time! i hope that you enjoyed this! also they hugged :0 ! !  
> next chapter things will go down maybe?? >:)))


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